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If you're losing your hair or simply sick of managing it, I am going to Phil (hehe) you in on the pros and cons of shaving your hair.
Pro number one! No more management. No more dealing with combing or styling a certain way, none of that nonsense. The time that you are going to save since you don't have to shampoo and condition? Every shower can be spent instead standing around doing nothing, or getting more time to rehearse those conversations that you're not going to have.
Con number one! Pillowcases. When you lose your hair all the oil that your scalp produces is not going to be absorbed by your fine locks. No it's going to get soaked up like a ShamWow by your pillowcase. They may as well be a mechanic's grease rag once you refine that dome. This means you're going to be changing them out every few days and washing them thoroughly. I recommend, if you don't already, swapping to washing with hot water or that Brain Grease never fully comes out.
Pro number two! You will look weird and alien like, possibly like a big ol' wang! You might be asking, wait a minute, how is that not a con?! Well, if you are anything like me, chances are, you were weird-looking enough with hair, looking like an alien or genitals can only be an upside. At least you look like SOMETHING as opposed to an amorphous homunculus.
Con number two! Sunglasses are going to make you look like a MAGA weirdo. This is not to say that if you are one of those folks you are automatically bad, I am saying that, but not because of this. Sadly, the look of a bald guy and sunglasses has been entirely reserved for Vin Diesel in the next box office bomb and people with trucks as their profile picture on Facebook and Twitter. And no, you cannot pull off welding goggles and baldness, you'll just look like a steampunk Uncle Fester.
Pro number three! Easy to cool off! The instant you step into the shade, a well air conditioned room, or your abilities like Powder from the movie Powder create a giant electric pulse that throws you in a puddle, you'll experienced instant refreshment. Remember those Dentyne Ice commercials? Cool breeze or a splash of cold water will be not unsimilar to having one of those Y2K fashioned freaks breathing their Mega Man X Chill Penguin breath on you.
Con number three! Sunburns on your scalp and ears. I hope you like the smell of sunscreen, because you will be walking around with it on your Chrome all the time. If you don't, you'll end up looking like a tomato. Without sunscreen, you're going to greatly risk your chances of melanoma, and it's not like the environment is in any place to protect you with the ozone, so lotion up! SPF-50!
Pro number four! Disguises! Just because you look like the weird dancing freak from the Six Flags commercials with your bald head doesn't mean you have to always look like the weird dancing freak from the Six Flags commercials. With your scalp fully landscaped, there is no need to manage a clump of hair under a wig, everything just says where it needs. Sure, you can look like a member of the turtle club all day, but there is no need if you wish not to.
Con number four! People will begin questioning if you are okay. Ugh. Is there anything worse than sympathy and kindness?! People concerned about your well-being? The worst. Can you just insult me, say I look like somebody's been poisoning Anthony Carrigan? Like chemotherapy Charles Xavier? Come on.
That's the list.
Pro number one! No more management. No more dealing with combing or styling a certain way, none of that nonsense. The time that you are going to save since you don't have to shampoo and condition? Every shower can be spent instead standing around doing nothing, or getting more time to rehearse those conversations that you're not going to have.
Con number one! Pillowcases. When you lose your hair all the oil that your scalp produces is not going to be absorbed by your fine locks. No it's going to get soaked up like a ShamWow by your pillowcase. They may as well be a mechanic's grease rag once you refine that dome. This means you're going to be changing them out every few days and washing them thoroughly. I recommend, if you don't already, swapping to washing with hot water or that Brain Grease never fully comes out.
Pro number two! You will look weird and alien like, possibly like a big ol' wang! You might be asking, wait a minute, how is that not a con?! Well, if you are anything like me, chances are, you were weird-looking enough with hair, looking like an alien or genitals can only be an upside. At least you look like SOMETHING as opposed to an amorphous homunculus.
Con number two! Sunglasses are going to make you look like a MAGA weirdo. This is not to say that if you are one of those folks you are automatically bad, I am saying that, but not because of this. Sadly, the look of a bald guy and sunglasses has been entirely reserved for Vin Diesel in the next box office bomb and people with trucks as their profile picture on Facebook and Twitter. And no, you cannot pull off welding goggles and baldness, you'll just look like a steampunk Uncle Fester.
Pro number three! Easy to cool off! The instant you step into the shade, a well air conditioned room, or your abilities like Powder from the movie Powder create a giant electric pulse that throws you in a puddle, you'll experienced instant refreshment. Remember those Dentyne Ice commercials? Cool breeze or a splash of cold water will be not unsimilar to having one of those Y2K fashioned freaks breathing their Mega Man X Chill Penguin breath on you.
Con number three! Sunburns on your scalp and ears. I hope you like the smell of sunscreen, because you will be walking around with it on your Chrome all the time. If you don't, you'll end up looking like a tomato. Without sunscreen, you're going to greatly risk your chances of melanoma, and it's not like the environment is in any place to protect you with the ozone, so lotion up! SPF-50!
Pro number four! Disguises! Just because you look like the weird dancing freak from the Six Flags commercials with your bald head doesn't mean you have to always look like the weird dancing freak from the Six Flags commercials. With your scalp fully landscaped, there is no need to manage a clump of hair under a wig, everything just says where it needs. Sure, you can look like a member of the turtle club all day, but there is no need if you wish not to.
Con number four! People will begin questioning if you are okay. Ugh. Is there anything worse than sympathy and kindness?! People concerned about your well-being? The worst. Can you just insult me, say I look like somebody's been poisoning Anthony Carrigan? Like chemotherapy Charles Xavier? Come on.
That's the list.