fot vgcers in need of some advice! could make it a bog, i know some us here have issues including myself: chronic pain, mental conidions, relatioship troubles, etc. I think it would be a good board. thanks for yout time hombress!!!
i have this friend of mine and shes a girl and i really like her maybe even love her but i dun think she thinks the same way help?????? :dunno:
make a move? she says no she says no. you don't say somethimg you're left wondering. there could easily be a megathread for that kind of ****.
I want to **** my ex again.
But she doesn't want to talk to me again.
what do i do next
hey see, i'm not the only butnout on vgc
advice without further infrotmtion: sever. completely. she sounds like a bit of a dick too.
and she's going out with a guy I've known since elementary
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT DR CATS
either so, I second this blog idea.
are you friends with him? you should stop being friends with him (sorry) and minimalize all contact direct and indirect with her if she really means that much to you (she won't in a few months of doing this)
also seconding the blog idea. i'm sure there are more experienced posters who'd like to share their stories.
was debating about just crossposting everything over from e/n, but someone else can if he/she wants to.
[quote=cool gamer dad;955168]was debating about just crossposting everything over from e/n, but someone else can if he/she wants to.this is what i was gonna say
Expect to see something like this soonish.
[quote=Phantasm;955169]You really think she means that much to me?
then find some other chick to ****, you;re answering yout own questions.
but the trush is yo're jealous and want her to be your again: so have zero contact wth her until you have someone else and dont give a **** anyn=moreo
Wanna move this to the Community Board?
I'll make a poll for this on the mod board. Maybe people will vote on it, and then Jesse or Klarth could make it depending on who's running the site by the time someone gets around to it.
I'm making this thread because it has become my only real alternative. My friends and family have been saying "just shut the **** up and get over it already" for months now, and just mentioning her name in casual conversation when relevant makes them uneasy. If you have anything better to do than read a thread about typical ex bull****, then please go do it, because this is going to be whiny, and emo, and overly dramatic. I'll readily admit that my pain is a pittance compared that of a Darfur orphan who just watched both parents being killed, but that perspective really doesn't make me any less miserable. I would not be coming here if I had anywhere else to go, but nobody I know in real life wants to hear it anymore, and I'm still not done talking about it. My hope is that someone is able to read this, relate, and be able to offer me some advice that helped them, because I've tried everything I can think of and I just keep stumbling back into this bull****. I want to be free. I want her to be a dull and distant memory. I want to be happy.
Here is a picture of us on our very first date(which was a double date with my ex, and ex best friend, the uncomfortable nature of this will be evident later). I can't explain why I'm prefacing the story with this picture, but it makes sense to me for some reason. I'm not really right in the head at the moment.
E:Picture removed for being creepy.
Here is the exteremely summarized version of my tragic tale of love lost. It's not going to seem like it's shortened, but it definitely is. Each of these bullets could probably fill the word count for a single post if I wanted to really delve into them:
-In August of 2005, I decided to move back to Omaha, Nebraska after having lived ten years in Las Vegas because I hated it there and had recently reconnected with my best friend from my childhood. I had a girlfriend of almost five years. I told her not to come multiple times(this is important), but she told me she was going to move there with my help or without it. I helped her(I'll call this mistake #1.
-We end up living in the basement of the aforementioned friend's house on a temporary basis. I paid rent, she didn't.
-I meet Jenny, who is dating a friend of my best friend. Her boyfriend has recently admitted to cheating on her multiple times after being forced to due to contracting an STD. Jenny stays with him because she moved here to be with him, and because she doesn't know how to stand up for herself or tell her parents she made a mistake and return home.
-Jenny and I start hanging out in between classes together. I realize that I am desperately in lust with Jenny. I break up with my girlfriend of five years about two weeks into hanging out with Jenny(mistake #2).
-**** ****ing explodes against the fan. As it turns out, my best friends mom had a guy just disappear on her in college after she followed him cross country to be with him. Notable difference: she was pregnant with his child. Unfortunately, on top of her vaguely similar history, she also happens to be a mentally unstable ****. I become the focal point for thirty years of pent-up rage. I am the lucky recipient of multiple, several hour long sessions where I am trapped in a room while she screams at me until she has nothing left to scream. Topics of discussion include how horrible of a job my mother did raising me, badmouthing my dead father, and telling me that my breathless sobs mean nothing to her because I'm the scum of the earth.
-My ex goes from sharing a bed with me to ****ing my friend of fifteen years ands sleeping in his room within a weeks span of time. Everybody in the house but me suffers from a case of the crazies. Now, just as a reminder, these people were basically my second family for most of my youth, I thought of this kid like a brother, and they've known my **** of an ex for less than three months. So while she's ****ing my friend and having a good ol' time, it doesn't stop the water works from coming on every time anyone is around.
-I am accused of harassing them and being a "snake" because I spend all my time pent up in the basement and am scared to talk to anybody. Nobody can seem to figure out why. My "harassment" entails playing my language homework lessons loudly while my ex is fighting with her new boyfriend. I am threatened with a "roundhouse kick to the throat" if I "don't stop ****ing with them." I buy headphones.
-Finally, Jenny, my angel, my savior, the only person who has kept me from seriously just ****ing killing myself in the month of hell I endured at the expense of people I would have trusted my life to just months prior, offers to let me live with her in the apparent she booted her ex out of. I should mention that I am the reason she worked up the courage to dump him. I talked her through it, I was there for her when she needed me, I was a ******* knight in shining armor.
-I pack all my **** in a garbage bag while Jenny waits for me outside. As I'm heading out, the horrible she-hydra decides she's not going to let me go without another good verbal sodomizing. Two hours later and I go outside to meet Jenny. She has been sitting in her car the entire time waiting for me. Over the course of our two years together, I will fail to repay her adequately for this single instance of kindness, much less everything that follows.
-About two weeks into living together, I ask Jenny to be my girlfriend(mistake #3). For perspective, I've known Jenny for maybe two months, I've been dating her casually for maybe a week, and I've been broken up with my ex of nearly five years for just under a month. This is why it is mistake #3. There is no mistake about Jenny. The mistake is the timing. Everything is great for about a month, then I start talking to my ex again. Now, I was not with my ex for five years because I loved her. I was with her for five years because she was my first girlfriend, I was a dumb****, she was a master of manipulation(as evidenced by turning four people I'd known for 3/4 of my life against me in a month's time), and did I mention I was a complete and utter dumb****? I start to wonder if I had made a mistake. Maybe Jenny isn't the girl for me. Maybe I'm letting the girl I was meant to be with slip away. So I do what any dumb**** teenager who rushes into a new relationship does, I **** my ex(mistake #4). Now, to uphold myself a little bit, I know I'm an *******, but I planned on breaking up with Jenny before it ever happened, before there was even an inkling that it might happen. I planned to break up with Jenny because I realized I rushed into it way too fast and even if it would work, it wasn't going to work given the circumstances. The problem is Jenny was out of town for a week for Thanksgiving, and the night before she got back was the night it happened. I still break up with her the very next day, in person. She cries. I feel ****ty, but I'm scared I'm going to lose my ex, and five years of brainwashing overrides a month of genuine caring from somebody new.
-Jenny and I are broken up but we're still sharing the apartment. I offer to go back to sleeping on the couch. She tells me she doesn't care. I later learn that sleeping next to me for the month that follows was the most empty, lonely experience of her entire life, and if I could go back and do it again, I'd just leave. I'd stay in my car until I found a new place if I had to. Anything to keep her from experiencing that. Meanwhile, I keep talking to my ex. She seems to enjoy the attention she's getting from two guys. I'm enjoying the attention I'm getting from two girls. This is my downfall.
-I start trying to patch things up with my friend(i.e. warn him what he's getting into). I tell him what happened, and he doesn't believe me. We arrange a surprise meeting for the three of us and I confront her. I watch her lie straight to his face. I realize that this is the same tone, the same eyes, the same posture that I've been hearing "truths" from for the last five years. I have an epiphany. I finally understand what my mom had been warning about for years. She wasn't being overprotective, I was dating a genuinely terrible human being, and I was too stupid to see it. I instantly lose any interest of any future with her. I leave. My friend proposes to her a month later and they marry about six months after that. I hope to never see them again.
-I go back to Jenny. I don't take it slow. My mind feels clear. I suddenly see all the things Jenny has done for me. I realize how amazing she is. She is ecstatic to have me back. We are in love.
-She goes out of town to visit her parents for the holidays and I surprise her with a brand new bedroom set for our apartment. As I'll later learn, material possessions are nothing held up against genuine acts of kindness. Jenny is thrilled anyway.
-We become attached at the hip. We do literally everything together. She remains the only person I've never wanted any space from. We have all the same interests, enjoy nearly all the same things, we think the same way. I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. It remains the peak.
-Things dip a little when I found out that Jenny is bulimic. I try to help her. You cannot help bulimics unless they want to help themselves. I never accept this fact(mistake #something, who the **** cares). I eventually learn to ignore it.
-Jenny receives an e-mail from my ex friend. He asks her if she knows anything about me sleeping with my ex. I come clean. She is destroyed. We continue dating anyway because things are going so well. She will never trust me again.
-Jenny stays here for a year, but then decides to go back to school in her home state of Virginia because her parents have already payed full tuition for a school there. She has an unexplained duty to her parents, even though she does nothing but complain about them. Brief backstory, in high school, Jenny's boyfriend was physically and verbally abusive, and he forced her to have sex with him. This is where she became subservient and developed most of her mental problems that continued to persist. I do not know how much validity these stories have, as they are just told through Jenny's eyes, and anyone who Jenny has told about me will think I am some sort of inhuman monster, but these are what she has told me. She went to her parents and told them her boyfriend was abusing her. Her parents told her she was exaggerating and overreacting. Her dentist discovers she is bulimic and tells her mother about. Her mother's response, "Why would you do that, that's stupid." She doesn't bring it up again.
-We do the long distance thing and it works fine. We talk every night over phone, AIM, or webcam. We visit eachother every chance we get. She still doesn't trust me.
-Jenny comes to visit in Christmas of 2007. I propose to her. She freaks out and tells me she's not ready. After about an hour things calm down. She tells me to ask her again when we finish school. I will never get the chance.
-May of 2008 she comes to visit me. It will be for the last time. Everything seems fine to me. We do our usual thing. This may not seem relevant, but she lets me take nude pictures of her and we buy some sex toys and games. Not really the type of stuff you expect to happen if that person plans on never seeing you again, I think. I am mistaken. Jenny leaves.
-The day Jenny leaves, I receive an e-mail. The e-mail says she wants to take a break. A week later, I receive this e-mail.
Jenny posted:
[INDENT] I've been putting off writing this email because I don't want to hurt you, but I know my inaction would have the same effect . You're truly a gifted writer, and I'm afraid that mine won't be as eloquent, but I'll do my best to convey my emotions. First of all, I want you to know that I do love you. I've meant it every time I've said it even from the beginning. You told me that you can't love someone without fully knowing them first; I disagree based on personal experience with you.
We both deserve to be happy. I know you've done everything in your power to make up for everything that happened, and you have. You've become a wonderful person, but I'm just not capable of forgiving and forgetting – especially not something that had such an impact on my life. (Why do you think I have a bad relationship with my parents?) I thought maybe it might be different with you, since I actually wanted to forget, and maybe I could have if it had been just an incident I'd need to get past. A bump in the road. However, my body can't forget how continuously agonizing it had been with you, for months, starting almost as soon as I had opened up to you and let myself be vulnerable while at the same time I had no one else to turn to. That's not just a bump in the road to get past, it's more like a boulder to me. The best way I can describe it is with this corny metaphor that just came to mind: The most beautiful flower can't survive when its roots are rotten. Looking at our relationship after all the crap that happened, it's been as near perfect as I can imagine. I know you tried, we both did. You did everything you could, and I'm so glad to have had that time with you.
I can't deal with this residual sense of worthlessness anymore, or the lingering thought of having been an alternative and always wondering about way too much for my own good. I don't want you to have to deal with it either, because I see how it hurts you too. I'm so torn between wanting to be a part of your life, but knowing you won't be able to live it while I'm in it. As I've said before, I'm not like the people you've dealt with and I don't want to drag you along just because I know I could. I also want to be there for you whenever you need someone, but, call me selfish if you want, I don't think I could stand watching you be happy with someone else. Or being not happy. Just being with someone who isn't me. (I'd be lying if I said I wasn't glad or relieved that you don't think anyone could come close to me.) I'd also like to say that maybe we could have something later on down the line after we've both lived our lives for a while and we could start over, but I don't want to do that to you either. I refuse to walk back into your life and disrupt anything that you may have going just because I decide I'm ok with everything.
I want so badly just to erase everything I've written and book a flight to Omaha where you'd be there to hold and everything would be alright for a week, but I know that would just postpone the inevitable and draw this out to make it even more painful. I've been crying as I've been writing and I feel sick and I wish you were here. I love you Joe, and I want you to be happy. I want us both to be happy. I don't want to stop writing, and I don't want to send it and make it final. Would it be alright if you wrote to me now and then to let me know how you're doing, minus any relationship information? I'd do the same if you'd like. You're going to have to block me from your Facebook, I don't think I'd want to know about anything other than what you decide to tell me about (if you even agree to it.)
I suppose it's time to bite the bullet and wrap this up. I'm sorry I can't forget what happened, I really did try. I'm also never going to forget about how happy you made me. I'll always cherish those memories.
I love you, always will. Be happy. <3
-Jenny
[/INDENT]
"Part of me just died." is the only respone I can muster. It is true.
-We stop talking for a month. I am miserable. I cannot go from sharing the whole of my life with her to having no contact at all. We start talking again casually. It is difficult for both of us, but it seems to hold promise.
-I tell my mom I've been talking to Jenny again. She asks me if Jenny has dumped her new boyfriend already. This is a fact that everyone is aware of but me. I tell Jenny I know, and that I am okay with it. This could not be further from the truth. I put on a tough front and go along as if everything is fine. On the surface, things are great between us and she seems genuinely happy with the situation. Why wouldn't she be. I try to be the cool ex and message her boyfriend telling him to take care of her. He tells me he's planning on dumping her. I tell him she is happy and he can't do that. He says she is not the right girl for him, no doubt in part because of all complaining he's had to hear about me.
-After about a month of the facade, and finding out that she hung out with this guy the day she sent me the e-mail dumping me, I can't do it anymore. I crack. I explode. I tell her how awful I feel and that it is all her fault. She goes on the defensive and gets angry. She tells me to leave her alone. About four or five pathetic e-mails later, Jenny tells me to stop e-mailing her or she's going to get a restraining order. I wonder how the girl I loved could be saying this. I know it's a protective measure because she reads every e-mail I send her, and I know it hurts every time, and she has always been the type to run from problems than deal with them. She deletes her e-mail because she is incapable of simply clicking delete on my e-mails without reading them.
-I feel an infuriating impotence at only being able to contact her through electronic means. I want to see her. I want to talk to her as a person and not a disembodied voice or some words on a page. I will never have a chance. She tells me that my e-mails are worse than when her high school boyfriend used to pin her in a room and scream at her. In less than a half-dozen e-mails, I have become worse than a rapist. I realize Jenny is insane. I've known it all along, but it finally clicks. She calls me a monster. This hits me in a way that nothing else does. I can't stop crying. I call her and leave her a fifteen minute message of unintelligible sobs. She sends me an e-mail apologizing.
-She tells me she never wants to hear from me again and that she despises me. Our two years have evaporated into a month of anger. All I can remember is the Jenny that took me in when I had no one. All she can remember are a handful of angry e-mails, that I still feel entirely justified in sending.
After two years, I got an e-mail to end it. A week after she visited me. On top of that she was dating a new guy as soon as it happened. I think I deserved better than that. Maybe I'm wrong. The worst part is I can't stop thinking about her. Every day. Sometimes for a couple seconds, sometimes for hours. I can't stop. I've picked up hobbies, I've tried never being alone, I take sleeping pills to sleep every night because otherwise I spend hours thinking. I've tried ****ing my way to forgetting her, I've tried dating girls, I've tried being single and getting to know myself. I'm in a relationship right now with an absolutely amazing girl. I really do care about her, but it's still nothing compared to the torch I carry for Jenny, and I worry that it's always going to be this way. I mean what do I have to do to forget her? I lost my dad when I was 12, and this hurts worse than that. It hurts more because there's this constant sense of regret. This constant knowing that if I had done things just a little bit differently, things would be different. I could be happy now. I know this is horribly unhealthy to think about, but it just don't go away. Everything reminds me of her. I'd have to move to a new place, get rid of most of my possessions, and take up completely new interests to even have a chance of not being reminded of her, and even then I'd probably still randomly think about her. I'm at the end of my rope. My girlfriend deserves better than this. I deserve to be happy. Why can't I stop this?
I'd give everything I own for just an hour of talking to her in person. I know she couldn't keep up her tough, "**** you" attitude in person. She's blocking me out like she's blocked out every other unhappy event in her past. I don't even care about the relationship aspects anymore. Sex is sex. I think we were both getting bored of it, anyway. What I miss is the companionship. I have never connected with anyone the way I did with her. She just made everything better by being there. I still do some of the things we used to do together, and they just feel empty and hollow. A couple days ago my girlfriend asked me what I saw in Jenny, and I told her I've never felt more comfortable with another person in my entire life. Not my family, not my good friends, nobody. She was my best friend, and I miss her every day. I miss the way she got me. I miss all of our inside jokes. I've tried to start these with every other person I know and I just get confused stares and weird looks. I don't want my girlfriend back, I want my best friend back, and I know I can never have that. If my only recourse is being miserable or forgetting her, the good and the bad, I want to learn to forget her. But how? It's been over a year and it hasn't diminished at all. I hide it better, but it's still there. I let go of five years in less than three months. I let my friend of fifteen years drift away with very little angst. But Jenny. I can't let go. I don't know how. If anyone knows anything I can do to fix myself, please share, because I'm out of ideas and I'm starting to break down mentally.
TL;DR It's already heavily summarized. If you don't want to read it, I'm not forcing you.
The X, you told me you lived in Scottland, you lied to me.
so wait, that is or isn't you? cause if it isn't you why did you bother posting it?
he probably copy/pasted it from e/n on something awful
[LEFT]all we'd need is a ore intelligent seccos (EDGECRUSHER) and a Dragonsven.
this is stilll a 100% serious proposition though lol
[/LEFT]
I could seriously use some help or see a therapist abiut drug seeking behavior