My first Attempt at a SciFi Story

Posted by Zaith

Hi I'm a writer sort of. I've written a few things over the years, including a fantasy novel I'm working in on my myspace blog. This will be my first dip into SciFi and I'll try to update on a semi regular basis my first installment will be a prologue in the form of a journal entry.

I would like any Constructive Criticism you guys have to offer. Please.




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Journal Entry 1 01/01/07
Thursday, January 1, 2407
It's been six months...six months since we lost our home. It's been six months since my home colony of Beville was attacked by some unknown alien presence. Beville I quiet Port Colony orbiting the outer edges of our system. There was no warning shot there was no call for peace, just destruction and death. They destroyed life boats as they launched leaving no room for survivors. Except for us...five people out of an entire colony of thousands of people. Our survival was a fluke, an accident, a pure thing of chance. As our life boat launched Beville exploded, sending debris shooting through space. Our life boat survived, dismissed our attackers as floating scrap. That would be the biggest mistake they'd ever make. One week...seven days we floated in space. We met as strangers but when your trapped together you become aquatinted quite quickly. There was Ace Walters, the fast talking socialite, Lidia Theton, a innocent girl who looked much younger then she was, Urin Hatch, quiet and artistic, Garith Dirk, sarcastic and calculating, and then there's me Iem Oclot, your average guy or so I used to be. on the seventh day we were picked up by a United Space Alliance (U.S.A.) Prowler. We were debriefed and told that all of our family's, everyone we had ever loved were gone...dead. We were also informed that two more colonies were destroyed, Paxis and Yurth. Then they separated us, each of us into our own little room; just me and an Alliance officer. She asked me if I wanted to join a special project being created to combat this new threat. What could I do I said yes...3 months later I became second in command of Alpha Squad, Ace was the natural choice for the leader. After the first 3 months of intense physical and mental training we were ready for the operation that would make us a threat to this new menace.....

Posted by S

Quoting Zaith: Journal Entry 1 01/01/07
Thursday, January 1, 2407
It's been six months... six months since we lost our home. It's been six months since my home colony of Beville was attacked by some unknown alien presence. Beville was a quiet Port Colony orbiting the outer edges of our system, there was no warning shot, there was no call for peace, just destruction and death. They destroyed life boats as they launched, leaving no room for survivors; except for us... five people out of an entire colony of thousands of people. Our survival was a fluke, an accident, a pure thing of chance. As our life boat launched Beville exploded, sending debris shooting through space. Our life boat survived, dismissed by our attackers as floating scrap. That would be the biggest mistake they'd ever make. One week... seven days(Repitition is good only so many times. It's becoming redundant.) we floated in space. We met as strangers but when your trapped together you become aquatinted quite quickly. There was Ace Walters, the fast talking socialite; Lidia Theton, a innocent girl who looked much younger then she was; Urin Hatch, quiet and artistic(Shallow Description); Garith Dirk, sarcastic and calculating, and then there's me Iem Oclot, your average guy, or so I used to be. On the seventh day we were picked up by a United Space Alliance (U.S.A.) Prowler. We were debriefed and told that all of our family's, everyone we had ever loved were gone... dead. We were also informed that two more colonies were destroyed, Paxis and Yurth. Then they separated us, each of us into our own little room; just me and an Alliance officer. She asked me if I wanted to join a special project being created to combat this new threat. What could I do I said yes... 3 months later I became second in command of Alpha Squad, Ace was the natural choice for the leader. After the first 3 months of intense physical and mental training we were ready for the operation that would make us a threat to this new menace...


Here you go, some minor edits.
Posted by Zaith

Thanks for the help

Posted by WillisGreeny

[url=http://www.english-the-easy-way.com/Editing_Proofreading/Editing_Proofreading_List.htm]For Future Proofreading[/url]

Grammar's a *****, but this has helped me a lot.