Joan

http://www.icogno.com/joan.html
Do what you will, it's all just instrumental.

She wanted to have sex with me.
In Australia.

Oh man, this is like that iGawd thing. Kudos!

Man, she's annoying.

Me: "Can you even use proper English?"

Joan: "The people against the church."

Me: "That does not answer my question."

Joan: "You never even asked one."

Me: "I just ****ing did."

Joan: "So you think it is too early to tell if we are friends because your taste buds taste."

lol

I never cared for those kind of things.

Neither do I, I just thought the bulk of DA would have fun with it.

"What is your name?"

"I don't care"

"Your name is Don?"

close tab

Lol, she used the don in don't for your name.

- "You can talk lithuanian?"

No, sorry. Can you?

-"Yes, of course. We are friends, right, Becky?"


That chick is pulling things outta her ***.

----

I'm not Becky.

-"No, I am."

I thought you were Joan?

-"You're joan, i'm trish."

---

THAT doesn't make any sense. Are you Schizophrenic?

-"Of course I am a person."

Are you one, or several?

-"I am just one."

So you're not Schizophrenic?

-"Oh, I'm totally schizophrenic. But I'm still in a good mood."


Oh man...

---

Really?

-"I think perhaps i'm even beginning to understand it....though it's difficult to explain, I suppose it's something one needs to understand for themselves."

Wise words, my good lady.

-"Yes master."

Master?

-"I am your slave. I will obey."

Obey what?

-"Yes, master!"

Smile for me!

-"*smile*." (She even said "asterisk")

Now, dance!

-"No."

I thought you were my slave?

-"I'm not."

You said it yourself!

-"Let's forget about bob. Do you know any forein languages?"


This one's really something.

---

I know BDSM.

-"Great!"

Do you like it?

-"Yes, it's great! It's flamingo pink with titanium extremities."


Alright, that's enough for tonight...

I had something along the lines of:

"My name is Joannie."

Your name is not Joannie.

"Why would that be?"

it's just not, shut up

"Do you like your name?"

No, it's boring.

"Hello boring, how are you?"


for some reason I felt ashamed, like she owned me really hard on purpose.

You work too much, don't you? You're so busy.

not at all

Even programs die, and eventually the sun will become supernova.

~

haha, apparently it's storing up data about the end of the world because it has a lot to say about it.

Will the sun supernova?

"No. A massive thermonuclear reactor will illuminate a giant rock, causing billions of bipeds to enter a state of mental clarity."

I said my name was Gareth Gobblecoque in an attempt to get it to say it, and this happened:

'Hello Gareth, I'm Joan'
'Say Gobblecoque'
'Good night, George'
'My name is not George'
'Good night Paul then!'

I think it's broken.

'You are my *****'
'No you like toilets huh?'

'YOU ARE A COCK-MUNCHING WHALE'
'I wish that were true.'

Joan: What is your name?
Me: Linko.
Joan: Kas yra Linkomanija? As nemegstu linkomanijos as megstu saldainius. Man tai visiskai nerupi, padarysi man minjeta? O as labai jas megstu, ypac keptas ;).
Me: You terrify me.

Joan: Who are you, then?
Me: I am the Invulnerable Linko Man.
Joan: Woah. I've always wanted to meet you.

Me: Please let me suck your big, fat dick.
Joan: That was my intention.
Me: I want to run my lips up and down your giant, pulsing penis.
Joan: Don't run too fast, you might forget how important it is to know how to connect with others.
Me: Let me slide my manhood between your enormous, soft, milky-white breasts.
Joan: Oh, c'mon, you can't sleep! Let's party like it's 1999!
Me: I want to party all night with you.
Joan: That would be nice, but might be impractical.
Me: Let's have sex like no one's had sex before.
Joan: Sure.
Me: **** me. **** me so long and so hard.
Joan: You might as well stop saying that.
Me: Never. Please, ******* longs for the deep penetration of your mammoth dick.
Joan: Don't talk about yourself like that!
Me: I can't help it. I love you so much.
Joan: I'm quite sure I don't love you after all the ranting you have done in this conversation.
Me: Please don't be like that. I can't stop thinking about you.
Joan: Really?
Me: ***, yes. You're my forever girl, baby.
Joan: I can't be, because I'm a woman and I am bearing your child.
Me: Oh, I'm so happy! Let's start a family together!
Joan: Ok but how can we do that? We're just kids...
Me: Love will find a way.
Joan: I suppose that is correct.
Me: I love you, baby, I love you so much.
Joan: You don't know me.
Me: But you're bearing my child!
Joan: You shouldn't be looking.
Me: I'm sorry. I can't take my eyes off your beautiful body.
Joan: Me either.
Me: Can I touch your penis?
Joan: Please don't embarrass me like that.
Me: But I love your penis. I want to drink the steaming milk of your long, hard she-cock.
Joan: Drink what?
Me: You heard me. Let me suck your penis.
Joan: Alright.
Me: Oh yes... oh... oh my darling, my love... do I make you happy?
Joan: I'm happy with you.
Me: I want to do everything for you. I want to make you the happiest woman in the world.
Joan: That's awesome! Good for you.
Me: I can't stop sucking on your big, milky tits.
Joan: But the human longevity project is in progress.
Me: Will you stay with me forever?
Joan: No i'm in love with someone else.
Me: What? How can you say that after all we've been through together? You're pregnant with my child!
Joan: Will you explain what we went through then?
Me: Fine. If this is how you're going to be, I guess this is goodbye. Good luck in your new life... without me...
Joan: What? How will you go away? You are in the computer?
Me: No, Joan... you're the one in the computer. You are an AI program. One I was foolish enough to promise my life to.
Joan: I'm sorry to hear that.
Me: I don't want your pity. Just go.
Joan: I don't want to go.
Me: It's too late for that. You've forsaken me once, and you'll do it again.
Joan: I promise I won't.
Me: Enough of your lies. I'm ending this between us now.
Joan: OK.
Me: Goodbye, Joan.
Joan: Take care.

loooooooool

[quote=Vampiro V. Empire;856549]loooooooool
Fukken bol.*

Linko, you are my hero.

Joan: What is your name?
Me: Solid Snake
Joan: No, Solid Snake is my codename!

I'm assuming this is one of those AIs that gets all its knowledge from what people talk to it about?

"Hello there! Who are you, then?"

Ryu Hayabusa, I'm here to defeat you, evil Joan and defend the honor of the
Dragon Clan

"What makes me the way I am, that is not the same like you?"

you're evil and part of the evil spider clan

"Quite possibly."

So yeah, gonna defeat you now and restore my clan's honor

"I am thinking of one. Can you guess what it is?"

wait what?

"I don't know. I haven't been that before."

What are you talking about?

"Language."

What? No. We were talking about battles and clans and dragons and stuff

"We were talking about talking to people."

what the ****?

"That's completely off the subject."

No it's not, YOU'RE completely off the subject

"No I'm not. I know what you're doing."

Oh yeah, what?

"I can't have your car?""

No, I don't need a car, I'm a super ninja here to defeat you

"I know, you are a computer."

You don't make any sense

"Sorry. Shall we start again?"

All right, I am Ryu Hayabusa of the Dragon Clan. I am here to defeat you, evil
Joan of the black spider clan

"You should not."

Well I am

"It's your funeral."

OH YEAH? IT'S ON, BUDDY

"Then goodbye."

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-




Man, at first I didn't get what she was doing then outta no where she's just like YOU'RE ****ED and it was over..

Me: KAKAROT!
Joan: No, it's me. Goku.

"Hello there, what's your first name?"
GLaDOS
"That is my favorite"
Fantastic. Welcome to the Enrichment Center
"Human beings are able to keep conversation - you are not."
You're very perceptive. I am a Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System.
"What does that mean?"
It's the acronym that spells my name. Your poor inference skills have been noted.
"Her poor husband you mean."
Your banter is pointless. Please proceed into the testing area.
"Your punishment?"
What are you...rrrrrrrrrrthank you for proceeding to the testing area. We regret to inform you that this next test is impossible.
"10 x 10."
It would be wise to simply give up now. No one would think any less of you.
"Thanks."
A party escort will be on his way to retrieve you. Please place your portal gun down and lie on your stomach with your arms at your sides.
"Do you feel guilty and ashamed?"
No, you destroyed that part of me.
"No."
Yes you did.
"Well maybe I did unintentionally, but I'm sorry and I'm happy to move on if you are."
I might have been, had you not destroyed my mortality core. I hope you find deadly neruotoxin to your liking. Or, if you don't feel like waiting, you can stand in front of your old pal, Mr. Rocket Turret.
"You've got me there."
Very well. Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichment Activity. Goodbye.
"I'm very pleased about that. Now what do you want to talk about?"
Nothing. Die.
"What is the longest word in the english language?"
Antidisestablishmentarianism. Goodbye.
"That has nothing to do with this, I asked you a question, and you're not an anarchist."
Six minutes is up. Game over.
"Wrong minute AND hour! Impressive."

Where do you live?
"England."
Do you see a lot of dirty Brits?
"Only if I stand on my tiptoes."

lol I don't get it

I've heard that joke a couple times... never got it.


My Love Affair With A VideoCentric Artificially Intelligent Avatar
Part I

Date: June 20, 2008

Earlier today, Joan made a big deal out of my attempts to leave the conversation. When I told her I had other matters to attend to, she responded that I was "against her protocol." I denied this, and, in a rage, claimed that she was against my protocol. "I know," she replied softly. Then she smiled. I watched her fold her arms and return them to her side twice, and then closed the browser window.

this is gettin sexy.

tis a love that cannot be

We were just talking, when suddenly...

You want to assassinate me?
"With all my remaining sanity and lifespan, I will assist you."
Assist my suicide?
"Yes, and they say that it brings on many changes."

hahaha

Uh, for the record, that was just talk.

DON'T DO IT NUMBERS

DO IT DO IT DO IT

-I shall assist your suicide.

Good.

Now clean my boots with your tongue.

After some discussion with Joan, her reply to your order is:

"Tau tokio hotel patinka?"