Me and my girlfriend had been going out for over 2 years. Just recently, she left me, however she doesn't want to lose me as a friend. She still calls me frequently, and we're still sexually active. Her reason for leaving me was that she doesn't want to be in a relationship at the moment... what the **** does that mean?
It means she wants to be in a relationship so long as it's open. You've become the bff that she can screw. :/
It means back up, cut her off sexually, and make **** sure she's not using you. She's confused, is unable to understand it herself, so there's no way she's going to be able to articulate it to you. Take a step back and see what happens, your involvement is what will determine the possibility of the relationship surviving.
Alternative answer: She's using you, and she's a *****. Get away.
Being that you have dated her for two years, you'd know which one it is better than I. Probably the previous, though.
So I should just ditch all the emotions I've had for her and move on and look for other fish and ****?
I need advice.
Don't ditch your emotions; that **** is inhuman. Wean yourself. Deal with it like what the situation is, that being that a girl that you've been with for two years is in a situation she feels she has no control over and she looks to you for temporary comfort.
Think about this logically for a second. She comes to you. She's been in a relationship with you. I assume you broke up because she wanted to, not because you did anything wrong. That considered, she still doesn't want a relationship. You know what that means? She wants to be with other people. That's not good for you if you're hanging on to the shred of hope that there might be something strong between you two.
Whether it's "love" or not I'm not going to speculate because that's not the issue. It's about respect. Does she expect you not to find someone else or something? Respect yourself. She doesn't want to be with you, so don't be with her. You can be friends, just don't have sex. It'll be a lot easier if you're not boning.
Edit: I know if I ever broke up with my boyfriend for a friendly reason and he still wanted to sleep with me and give me boyfriend-feelings regardless if I was with other dudes or not, I'd take that offer. I wouldn't even need another boyfriend.
I guess I'll be cancelling us for tonight. Thanks Fate.
Just make sure you're emotionally ready for that ****.
That's the best thing. I mean, I'm not going to pretend like I know your relationship or anything and I'm not going to pretend it's going to be easy. It sucks. I'm no expert, but this kind of stuff can't be good for your life.
Well, okay, this has affected me, but the thing is, I also want a friend with benefits. Not someone to hold me or cuddle, I just need someone to **** and get my frustrations out. I'm still gonna go out to parties, and see other people, i mean the last week was pretty devestating, but to be honest, the only thing in our relationship keeping us together was the sex, and I realize that now. I mean, there were times in our relationship that I wanted to end it myself, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings, and I was interested in other girls.
I mean, I love her, yes, but I don't think I can see myself being married to her or having a future with her, so my thought process of this is
1) She's actually pretty cool company
2) the sex is great
3) I can see other people and I don't really have to answer to anybody
am I being ****ed up, I don't know, this is the first time something like this has ever happened to me.
Then it would seem that you didn't want the relationship enough. From the sounds of it, you've wanted this situation from the beginning or you would've fought whatever excuse she gave you.
You don't need advice.
psh, enjoy the **** while you can and realize it won't last forever.
or go cold turkey. depends on your emotional type.
She wants to screw you, but with no strings. You want someone to screw, just to screw. Sounds good if you're not planning on seeing anyone new, but if she is, you'll be screwed outside of sex. Soo, I suggest finding a different **** buddy. (my two cents) :horse:
Here's your first mistake: you're asking a website full of (mostly) bitter nerds who will never know the touch of a woman. If anything listen to Fate.
Also, if she still calls you, it's all good. Friends with benefits is better then a relationship, honestly. Just try to restrain emotions, don't cut them, because that's pretty **** unhealthy.
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[quote=Pit;851576]So I should just ditch all the emotions I've had for her and move on and look for other fish and ****?
I need advice.
Yes, yes you do. You're a man, you bottle that s[COLOR=lightgreen]h[/COLOR]it up and you move on until it spills out as pure white-hot rage on someone completely undeserving. For that is our way.
Or you can get a sex doll and do the same.
Also, I don't believe in friends with benefits. Enjoy your pit of despair and your right hand.
Stop ****ing her. Find someone non-lecherous and fulfilling.
Pit my fellow NYC-er. What's been up man?
Anyway,
A two year relationship obviously has a lot of feelings/ish invested in it so I'm guessing you guys are extremely tight. You don't seem too devastated though making me think that you'll be okay no matter what. As long as you don't have any invested feelings into it, which I doubt will be the case as you have been with her for two years and have made this thread, then I say you know do what you want to do if friends with benefits is your thing. If you're not looking for a relationship and just a hook-up maybe that'll be your thing although I think you may/may not be hurt depending on how much you liked her/how long you thought you'd be with her and stuff like that.
She kind of wants you to be her safety net, and don't let yourself fall into that trap and don't let her guilt you into that. If you're not her boyfriend anymore, make sure she doesn't still want you to do all the things a boyfriend does and all the emotional and time investment that goes into that. Don't be some trick's safety net.
Anyway, hope you're not too cut up about this. I remember when a girl broke my heart that I went out with for two years I was pretty messed up about it. Funny thing is like those facebook bumper stickers say, sometimes things DO fall apart so better things can come together and I've been with a girl who I REALLY REALLY like and work with a million times better even though at the time I thought there wouldn't be anyone like that again. So, just have hope if things seem bleek, although I think you'll be fine since you don't seem too messed up about it.
As for you intial question, hopefully you can detract my answer from my long drawl. If you don't really care about her and don't have any emotional investment which I don't think is the case, you should do whatever you want but don't make yourself her safety net. If you do like her and she doesn't really want to be with you, and you did try to work it out, examine if you do really work together and just remember that there's a million other great girls in NYC man.
Hope this helped.
P.S. To everyone who said he made a mistake by posting this here because it's full of "internet nerds" or something, not everyone here is like that, and in the VGC WoN I remember, most people weren't - I dunno about now.
Hope this helped man.
Edit: In terms of the whole should I forget about all the feelings I had for her...
How does someone do that? I personally don't believe in it, but it MAY make it easier to get over her. I kind of believe in the, take it as experience, you'll remember it, remember that you learned from it, look back on it fondly, but past is past type thing. In the beginning you might want to stay away from her a bit if you're really hurting and do the whole cut off thing, and when you're ready to handle it, think of it like how I do. I mean it's to each their own. I hope any of this has helped.
[quote=Poco;851783]that's pretty sexist. i can see why no girl would ever let you touch her.
Being an emotional island doesn't get you girls? What planet are you living on?
being emo seems to work too. extremes always work.
Generally being a prick will get you girls, really. You don't even have to be extreme about it. Just be a confident prick.