Now that I've got everyone's attention:
Behold! Upon my new winnings in life, I have been awarded a fire blanket! Safety Jepoardy, which was run by a woman with an okay face but an amazing rack, though she only called on me once, and it turns out I was wrong. I still managed to bargain a bagel for the fire blanket someone won. It's actually a blanket meant to keep warmth in, so if you throw it on a flaming man, it might actually kill him.
Those blessed with clairivoyance, what the hell are you doing here? You are hereby ordered to scour the lands for all that is holy, and bring it to your leader, Von Shaffon, for inspection. And you, the reader, keep reading, because you know as well as I that you have no better skill in life, and somewhere in the back of your mind, you understand completely that the only thing that really matters in life is what I'm typing right now.
My cockbits are hewn from solid rock. I can bench 300 pounds and I don't like to brag about it. I've never caught a fish bigger than me, but I have eaten the world's last dragon egg. My p[COLOR="black"]i[/COLOR]ss cures cancer, and tastes like raspberry tea; unfortunately, no one believes me, and so the world suffers still. My middle name is actually "The Judge;" my dad was said to have had "a vision." I was born in the Atlantic ocean when a bolt of lightning fused a Jewish man, a Russian squid, and a Native American Chieftain, creating a small child which was carried to land by that squid's father. I know what Stonehenge is really for, but for the sake of Humanity I keep my mouth shut.
No one has complimented me on my new pants except Stephen. This dissapoints me. Perhaps I'll rip them to shreds and feed them to the homeless. Perhaps then the news will catch wind of such malicious jovialties, and the headlines on the morrow's papers will read "Man fails to solve world hunger, martyring great pants." The article will then say how I was sent to jail in about 4 hours after I finish typing this post.
Perhaps...
Are you still reading? I'm mighty impressed, admiral. Captain. Commissar. Czar. Tar. Far. Car. Car Dealership. Wheelership. Penmanship. ENOUGH! I've had it with my own buffoonery.
You all sicken me. Each and every one of you. And don't think just because my post above was worthless claptrap that I'm not being dead serious right now. After all, 25% of what I say is completely serious (the other 50% being total bull and 25% being half-serious). I am a thinking man, and if I choose to act like a buffoon, an arrogant jerk, or a apathetic bum, then it's entirely my jurisdiction! I haven't changed my AIM name in over a year, a feat that I've never before accomplished, and still, no one compliments me.
Not that I like pointing out my own achievements, but you've got to brandish your trophies if no one comments on them! Jesus, people, look at yourselves! I will slay every black man I see until sundown tomorrow, after which I will randomly draw one aspect of humanity (be it a race, religion, attitude, gender, or whatever) out of a hat at the start of each day to determine my witch-hunt. Soon I will be known as "Killing Man," and everyone will praise me as a hero, or a Mega Man boss.
If you've read up to this point, I thoroughly congratulate you. Congratulations congratulations congratulations congratulations congratulations congratulations congratulations congratulations. Thorough enough for my tastes at least. It was to be read in a jazz rythm too, with the first two beats on time, then a slight pause, then the third and sixth words on an off-beat. If you didn't read it right the first time I revoke all congratulatory statements towards you. F[COLOR="black"]u[/COLOR]ck you, pig. Grow up.
I didn't crack a smile while typing this, but odds are if I read it out loud to someone, or back to myself, I'd find it hilarious. Even more funny is the fact that I highly doubt anyone else who visits this blog would find this humorous at all. I refer to the section where I said you all disgust me. I would totally hit Reon Kadena. There wouldn't even need to be questions asked. It could be an obvious trick to get me convicted for rape, but I wouldn't care. Here, you want her? Boom, there he goes.
Where do we go after we die? What's the meaning of life? How would chairs be shaped if our knees bent backwards? Who was the first guy to grab a cows' tit, yank on it really hard, and drink what came out? Why does everyone who isn't white have black hair and brown eyes? Why don't white people have that? Is there a G[COLOR="black"][COLOR="black"]o[/COLOR][/COLOR]d? Is He cool? Who the f[COLOR="black"]u[/COLOR]ck is Roy Tyler, and why should I care? These are some of the questions I will be giving concrete answers to in the next episode of Best Entertainment Every Sunday (B.E.E.S.). WHERE'S YOUR CHRISTMAS TREE G[COLOR="black"]O[/COLOR]D D[COLOR="black"]A[/COLOR]MMIT! HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE A FAMILY WITHOUT A F[COLOR="Black"]U[/COLOR]CKING [COLOR="Red"]TREE[/COLOR]?!
[RIGHT]What the [COLOR="black"]fu[/COLOR]ck do you think you're doing near that "Edit" button?[/RIGHT]
Glad I skimmed through it until the end.
What's wrong, Derick? :(
Also, Order of people in the title:
1-Alastor
2-Zeta
3-Arcadios
4-Vampiro
5-LoS/Judge
6-The X
7-Slade
8-Linko
9-Mis0
y/n?
You said there would be Pokemon and Metroid.
Where is the Pokemon and Metroid?
You didn't even put anything in the list for Ant. You cold-*** fool.
Eh, I guess Anime can be interchangeable with Ant and I.
But I watch more than him. ;>_>
[spoiler]Nothing to be proud of here[/spoiler]
To my knowledge, Ant doesn't really give a **** about the animu.
you don't pay attention very well.
and I'll read that later maybe.
YOU NEVER TALK ABOUT ANIME
Zeta: I never promised sh[COLOR="black"]i[/COLOR]t.
X: Anime was meant for Ant. I forgot Arc existed. Moron.
Arc: Aside from you being 3, yes, that's about right.
In b4 Oh yeah I forgot Roger, he sucks at ps and life in general.
That was never going to happen, because you're not a regular DA member so there was no point mentioning you.
Yeah I know, just reinforcing the facts.
this was clearly not aimed at me and therefore i have no will to read it
Shortly after, Gurren Lagaan appeared in the title...
WRONG ANIME.
Well fine then.
Shortly after, Naruto appeared in the title...
[quote=The Judge;849735]I figured Dickgirls covered you.
Sounds good.
NOT GOOD ENOUGH
NEEDS MORE GUNDAM AND GEASS.
That was an entertaining read, Derick. Thank you for that! :)
Stopped reading at "my" because I don't care about The Judge very much.
Bring on the edit.
Huh. I tried to throw another REALLY COOL in the title, but it didn't fit. my week is ruined
And to think I probably wouldn't have even clicked the thread at all if Pokemon and Metroid hadn't been the first two things up there. Had it been Dickgirls and Cars first, I would've ignored it completely.
don't lie
@Corrupt: THANK YOU! If even one person enjoys my posts, then it's worth it.
@Dan: Jesus, your problem is making you depressed and apathetic. Will you please just talk about it?
Whatever Dan's problems are, they must be pretty smalltime compared to some people on DA.
my internet is probably going to die very soon and I wasted what little time I have with it on reading that post. Awesome.
Maaan, all that time away and it still isn't fixed? What a faggot you are.
please don't encourage such things.
Turning on my laptop is pretty much the first thing I do when I arise. Probably helps that it loads in about a minute and is sitting under my bed.
ive had sex with like 15 women. why does this matter
Dude... way to steal my line. not cool.