Here there are golden crowns and robes of white,
And all the house is bathed in light,
But there is someone missing among these things,
Among these riches, this splendor, these feathered wings;
It is flawed: you're not here,
And soon this Heaven will grow a-drear
With-out the smile no angel dare to fake
With-out the spirit no demon dare to break.
***********
Just wrote this late last night, still working on it. Comments, anyone?
I think it needs more of an intro and more descriptions of this place you're talking about.
Yeah, I have a buddy I usually send my stuff to for advice, and he said the same thing. I'll get right on that.