Chuck Norris for President




Posted by KoH

Not really a fan of Mr. Norris. To be frank, I think he's annoying, but I did find what he wrote funny.

[URL]http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=56107[/URL]

"I was wondering the other day, [URL="http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=52823"]if I ran for president,[/URL] what would be my campaign promises? I made a list I'm certain can get me elected.
If I'm elected president, I will…

Require members of Congress to work out on the Total Gym 15 minutes each day – or else they can't vote on anything.

Cut spending by dismissing the Secret Service, at least for my eight years in office (why would I need them?).

Resurrect Bruce Lee and appoint him head of homeland security (OK, the CIA and FBI too).

Give a presidential pardon to … no one, ever. Baretta was right in the '70s, "Don't do the crime, if you can't do the time. Don't do it!"

Turn the Rose Garden into a new fighting ring for the World Combat League, in which liberals and conservatives will fight for legislative leadership and priority. (For fun, Saturday night fights will feature a recurring bout between Hannity and Colmes). "American Idol" already told me they will provide the entertainment.

Require Bill Gates and Warren Buffet to personally pay for national, comprehensive medical coverage for every American (or meet me in the Rose Garden).

Increase jobs in America by sending ninja teams to sabotage and steal them back from other countries.

Tattoo an American flag with the words, "In *** we trust," on the forehead of every atheist.

Give a tax credit to anyone naming their children Walker or Texas Ranger (excluding Will Farrell).

Resolve the Iraq war by bringing all of our military personnel home immediately, then going over there by myself for "martial arts negotiations."

Hang Saddam Hussein (Whoops – scratch that – already did it undercover).

Convey my plan for world peace to the United Nations: taking the governor of California with me on our "kick butt and ask questions later" USO world tour.

Give every new military enlistee abroad a copy of my upcoming new book, "The Threat of Justice," with the words, "Arnold and I will be back to pump you up!" above my autograph.

Bring on Donald Trump as my apprentice. When my presidential term is complete and he has obtained his black belt, or whichever comes first, he can buy the White House and of course rename it (to, what else, "The Trump House").

Create new immigration legislation: to deport all liberals (then force them to listen to Bill O' Reilly every day for five years, at which point they may return).

Ask producer Mark Barnett to film "Survivor – Camp David," where world leaders will meet annually, for an all-out cage-fighting championship. The winner will take home $1,000,000 in Disney Dollars, good in Europe or America.

Send an autographed photo of me and my horse (no dogs in my White House) to everyone who commits to read my new WorldNetDaily "presidential column" and blast a blog who dares to disagree with me.

Complete the plan to bring Tony Blair to the U.S. as my vice president.

Expose the real WMDs – my fists and feet.

Replace Letterman, Leno or Conan once monthly, since stand-up comedy is what most governmental officials do anyway.

Ask Al Gore to provide me with a special governmental study on the connection between spotted owl extinction and global warming. (I'm pretty sure Michael Moore will film the docudrama).

Help Rosie transition from "The View" to the pew – it might help her get over that anger problem. If the pew doesn't work, she can spar Trump in the Rose Garden.

First and foremost, however, my greatest priorities will be to …
Personally smoke out bin Laden by myself and round-house kick him all the way back to America, where my United Fighting Arts Federation will handle the justice issues.

Make all Chuck Norris facts come true (well, not quite all of them – I'm a happily, married man!)"




Posted by Xero

I'm sure he would've won the elections if he tried. If Arnold Schwarzenegger won, he would have had a chance.




Posted by BLUNTMASTER X

Chuck Norris hates liberals and Atheists?!




Posted by Crazy K

Eh, Steven Seagal is way cooler. He's even got his own energy drink.

[IMG]http://uk.gizmodo.com/seagal%20beer.jpg[/IMG]




Posted by Ant

he didn't write that. these jokes are so fukken old and annoying now. please let it die.




Posted by KoH

That can't have been part of "these jokes" to which you are crediting this letter as being part of its group because this is in letter format, whereas the other "jokes" followed a very linear format far different than from what is found in a letter.

Also, by posting in this thread you, yes you, are promoting this "joke." I'm no fan of Chuck Norris jokes, in fact, I find them repulsive, idiotic wastes of precious time. However, the above letter proved to be a bit more interesting than any previous joke, hence why I posted it.




Posted by Hyper


Quoting Ant: he didn't write that. these jokes are so fukken old and annoying now. please let it die.


yes he did. chuck norris is a columnist for worldnetdaily.



Posted by Ant

wow, so he actually gave into the jokes about himself.

still not funny.




Posted by BLUNTMASTER X

Everyone knows Chuck Norris is illiterate. Buried as inaccurate.




Posted by KoH

[quote=Hyper;592151]yes he did. chuck norris is a columnist for worldnetdaily.

luv u sugare

[quote=Ant;592156]still not funny.

To you, maybe.

I love how Ant ruins others' fun. :(




Posted by Tiptoegecko


Quoting The X: Chuck Norris hates liberals and Atheists?!


I hate liberals too, but I am an atheist. Oh booo : (



Posted by KoH

You just can't win with Mr. Norris!




Posted by Tyler Durden

Chuck Norris is stupid, Steven Seagal is stupid, liberals are stupid, atheist are stupid, energy drinks are stupid, WorldNetDaily is stupid.. there, settled?!




Posted by Fate

I found it funny.




Posted by KoH

[quote=Down The Sun;592387]Chuck Norris is stupid, Steven Seagal is stupid, liberals are stupid, atheist are stupid, energy drinks are stupid, WorldNetDaily is stupid.. there, settled?!

STEVEN SEAGAL IS NOT STUPID. He's a genius! He even released his own music album! He's smart, funny, athletic, and creative. He's the whole package.




Posted by Xero


Quoting KoH: He's a genius! He even released his own music album!.


Now that's stupid.

I think he's a great fighter. That's all I like about him.



Posted by Tiptoegecko


Quoting Down The Sun: Chuck Norris is stupid, Steven Seagal is stupid, liberals are stupid, atheist are stupid, energy drinks are stupid, WorldNetDaily is stupid.. there, settled?!


Atheists aren't stupid! I would say another comment, but I don't want to start a fight about religion.



Posted by Hyper

how can you be a non-liberal athiest?




Posted by Fate

Simple. Not believing in the big man has next to nothing to do with politics. :)




Posted by Hyper

Mind boggling. Every conservative I know of is a bible thumper. And I mean that with all due respect. So, either he's an anomaly or something other than liberal or conservative.




Posted by KoH

Tell that to conservatives.

Edit: *******IT HYPER. ****ing beat me to it.




Posted by Fate


Quoting Hyper: Mind boggling. Every conservative I know of is a bible thumper. And I mean that with all due respect. So, either he's an anomaly or something other than liberal or conservative.


I knew a Democratic bishop who didn't like gays or gay marriage but said his religion had nothing to do with public policy and the welfare of society as a whole.

Confused the hell out of me, too.




Posted by KoH

But we spoke of conservatives. Democrats are far more... lenient.




Posted by Lord of Spam

No.




Posted by KoH

Oh shut up. If you're that incapable of forming even a sentence consisting of more than 3 words then don't even bother.




Posted by Lord of Spam

To this I say no.

[spoiler]-insert rant about how the norris **** is played out here-[/spoiler]




Posted by KoH

Hey, know what? Go **** yourself.

Nuclear asshat. :)