One of these days I'm going to off myself. It'll be in a rather simple fashion, probably a bullet to the head (good song), but it'll just come about and happen. And I know this. There'll be no leading up to it, and it'll be a rather poorly thought-out decision that will come on suddenly and without warning.
Just, one day. My fear of going to Hell will be overcome, and years upon years of not being depressed in the face of everything in the world is going to rush up to me and shatter my mind.
One of these days, it's going to be over brilliantly fast. Not saying when, cause I can't predict it, I just get the feeling it'll happen at some point.
BANG! ZOOM! Straight to the moon. -points to moon-
It was this quote that lead to the first landing on the moon. We don't know exactly how are who landed on the moon, but our fungineers think it went a little something...like this "WE'RE WHALERS ON THE MOON! WE CARRY OUR HARPOONS! BUT THEIR AIN'T NO WHALES SO WE TELL TALL TALES AND SING OUR WHALING TUNE!"
I'm being serious. o_o
Do it fagget
I love DA. It's like a more familiar 4chan, because no matter how serious you're being, they'll always tell you to kill yourself, though you can attatch a personality to the face of who says it.
HEY GUYS, I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF OK GIVE ME ATTENTION PLZ THANKS LOL
Just do it, faggot. Make sure to add me in your suicide note or carve my name into your forehead before you put a bullet through it. That would be ultimate.
That would be pretty cool.
Thread hijack. You're going to kill yourself/die of a terminal disease in a day or two. What do you do before you die? You have unlimited cash and the police can't stop you. You can also teleport to any location.
First, I teleport to a store where I buy myself a suit. This suit is composed of black leather and pretty durable material. There's an overcoat, so the layers underneath are pretty classy. Basically, all the kinky girls want to sex me. Then I teleport to Japan and rape a young-ish girl real quick, in whatever hole seems to present itself to me at the time. This only takes about 10 minutes at the most. So I teleport back into a motorcycle show and grab that sweet proto-type that has the hueg tires and goes 300 miles an hour. This is followed by a quick teleport to Germany where I push said motorcycle to it's limits on some straight highway. Then I teleport to Japan and rape another young girl. Next, I teleport to a gun shop and grab a couple MP-5's or something, and a sniper rifle. I head over to the parachute store and get one of them, too. I teleport to the top of a reasonably tall building and snipe some people before teleporting down to the ground in New York City to just mow some crowds down with my other gunz. Then I teleport to Japan, rape another innocent little girl, and teleport back to the first one I raped and shoot it in her eye just as she's starting to recover from the shock of what I did to her before.
To be continued...
That's simple. I teleport to where *** is and bribe him with a twenty to take over his job.
That's stupid.
And *******it, Slade. Finish your post. ****ing hilarious.
When you do it, make sure you're sitting in front of your computer, with your cock in one hand, the gun in the other, and the msot disturbing prons you can find. Or, even better, fap and blow your load on the screen, THEN kill yourself, so that the person that finds you not only has to see a dead body with a giant hole in the head, but also a cum covered moniter displaying things so lovecraftianly awful that it will drive them insane.
Just make sure you don't take freaky drugs before you do it.
[color=indigo][b]To be, or not to be? That is the question
Better yet, have an AIM chat with me open where I say "Yeah, man. DO IT DO IT KILL YOURSELF." That would be epic.
Here's a better way to snuff yourself:
Step one:
Go break into a cute girls house and rape her, be sure to cum in her for being a stupid ***** that doesn't lock her windows.
Step two:
Kidnap her and hid her in your basement.
Step three:
Repeat step one until she dies of hunger/sex/AIDS/etc...
Step four:
Lurk more.
Step five:
Repeat from step one.
And when you're finally caught or you think you'll be caught, take that mini gun you hid in your *** (you know the one I'm talking about), and shoot yourself as you mount the last dying loli.
It's not a moment of crisis. I'm just predicting one day I'm going to give a gun a blowjob.
Can I teleport other people?
No.
The Judge, becoming progressively more and more depressed by what was happening to everybody he knew, decided finally to off himself. There was no problem, in the forums he posted in, in putting an end to yourself; you just bought into a large quantity of reds and took them with some cheap wine, late at night, with the interwebz off the hook so no one would interrupt you.
The planning part had to do with the artifacts you wanted found on you by later archeologists. So they'd know from which stratum you came. And also could piece together where your head had been at the time you did it.
He spent several days deciding on the artifacts. Much longer than he had spent deciding to kill himself, and approximately the same time required to get that many reds. He would be found lying on his back, on his bed, with his dick in his hand and an unfinished post to Darkness Advanced about Pyramid Head on his computer. That way he would indict the system and achieve something by his death, over and above what the death itself achieved.
Actually, he was not as sure in his mind what the death achieved as what the two artifacts achieved; but anyhow it all added up, and he began to make ready, like an animal sensing its time has come and acting out its instinctive programming, laid down by nature, when its inevitable end was near.
***
At the last moment (as end-time closed in on him) he changed his mind on a decisive issue and decided to drink the reds down with a connoisseur wine instead of Ripple or Thunderbird, so he set off on one last drive, over to Trader Joe's, which specialized in fine wines, and bought a bottle of 1971 Mondavi Cabernet Sauvignon, which set him back almost thirty dollars -- all he had.
Back home again, he uncorked the wine, let it breathe, drank a few glasses of it, spent a few minutes contemplating his favorite /h/ page of 4chan, which showed the tentacle penetration on top, then placed the plastic bag of reds beside his bed, lay down with his hand firm on his penis and unfinished post to DA, tried to think of something meaningful but could not, although he kept remembering the tentacle penetration, and then, with a glass of the Cabernet Sauvignon, gulped down all the reds at once. After that, the deed being done, he lay back, his dick in hand, and a DA post on his computer, and waited.
However, he had been burned. The capsules were not barbiturates, as represented. They were some kind of kinky psychedelics, of a type he had never dropped before, probably a mixture, and new on the market. Instead of quietly suffocating, The Judge began to hallucinate. Well, he thought philosophically, this is the story of my life. Always ripped off. He had to face the fact -- considering how many of the capsules he had swallowed -- that he was in for some trip.
The next thing he knew, a creature from between dimensions was standing beside his bed looking down at him disapprovingly.
The creature had many eyes, all over it, ultra-modern expensive-looking clothing, and rose up eight feet high. Also, it carried an enormous scroll.
"You're going to read me my sins," The Judge said.
The creature nodded and unsealed the scroll.
Judge said, lying helpless on his bed, "and it's going to take a hundred thousand hours."
Fixing its many compound eyes on him, the creature from between dimensions said, "We are no longer in the mundane universe. Lower-plane categories of material existence such as 'space' and 'time' no longer apply to you. You have been elevated to the transcendent realm. Your sins will be read to you ceaselessly, in shifts, throughout eternity. The list will never end."
Know your dealer, The Judge thought, and wished he could take back the last half-hour of his life.
A thousand years later he was still lying there on his bed with the his dick in his hand and post to DA on his computer, listening to them read his sins to him. They had gotten up to the first grade, when he was six years old.
Ten thousand years later they had reached the sixth grade.
The year he had discovered masturbation.
He shut his eyes, but he could still see the multi-eyed, eight-foot-high being with its endless scroll reading on and on.
"And next --" it was saying.
The Judge thought, At least I got a good wine.
POST OF THE YEAR
Lol emo
*only read first post*
edit: Ok so I read the rest of it and if I had that long to live and could teleport like that i'd go to all the weird places in the world like temples and pyramids. I'd bring a high-powered rifle just in case y'know natives or animals or such. Now you didn't say anything about "WHEN" I could teleport so i'd go back in time in short hops at first just to see how badly I could **** things up. This all culminates when I zap back to the Jurassic Era and tame a t-rex as my war mount and then return to 2007 for something I call "The Culling"
also edit: Derick, when you die I request that if you leave me anything that it simply be your SP and Fire Emblem. Also, on a more serious note...can I borrow your SP and Fire Emblem? :)
thread ****ing closed. Any posts after this will not be tolerated. hell, im tempted to go and delete everything after the x, simply because its all **** compared to the best win this or any other internet has ever seen.
*** bless you, sir.
what the **** did i just say