Ejaculation

This is a bit of an odd hypothetical question, but it got passed around my friends.

If you could ejaculate any substance other than what you do already, what would it be?

I personally said dust, some gray light, and a "pah" sound, like when you quickly exhale.

The surprise of shooting the moon on a porno would be priceless, I think.

Joe said Light, and Stephen said Air Freshener.

i would ejaculate some friends who have more important things to talk about than their ejaculations

ma lazer

SHOOP DA PENIS!

£50 notes.

Crude Oil.

a porn star, then **** her

To those of you who said people: That would hurt like hell.

To Pit: But wouldn't you end up ejaculating another porn star into her?

assuming there were no medical complications, platinum dust. I'd make a living just sitting around beating off all day.

[QUOTE=The Judge]To those of you who said people: That would hurt like hell.

To Pit: But wouldn't you end up ejaculating another porn star into her?

on her face

[COLOR="DeepSkyBlue"]I'm not sure. I like a lot of things.

To avoid the pain, I'd probably wanna ejaculate 20$ bills. [/COLOR]

I'd have to go for £50 notes. That would be perfect.

Milk.

This way people would treat me like a cow and stroke my peni- utter all day long.

umm, no, see, first, it'd be like regular semen, after I masturbate
when I come back in tthe room I see it shape into this hot woman. basically Im ****ing my own sperm, but it molded into some hot lady ***** so **** it

I'd like to ejaculate $100 bills.

Hypodermic needles

This thread made me wtf.

Anyway, money, what else?

[quote=Klarth]

Blood

On second thought, i change my answer to chocolate.

Its a lot easier to get someone to go down on you if they get chocolate as a reward:D

I wouldn't want anything profitable, because then someone would be bound to kidnap you and use you for it. And I doubt they'd consider how uncomfortable it is after the 6th or so time in a day.

Kittens. Everyone loves kittens.

Water, so you could do it in the shower or wherever the hell you want and no one would ever know/care, and never have to worry about a mess.

*cough*

Liquid gold.

I don't know whether Zeta means literally or metaphorically, but either way, I like the thinking behind it.


Myself? Pineapple juice.

I change my answer to Kool-Aid. As for the flavor, I'd surprise myself.

A Rocket. [Spoiler]So I can fly away[/Spoiler]

You're all picking some excruciatingly painful things to have come out of your dicks.

And you've thought of dumb ideas. Dust? WTF

chainsaws.

That's the spirit!


Actually, I'd prefer spirits.

Chocolate, so I could have a little more pleasure after each fap session.

... Chocolate milk.

I am surprised no one suggested cocaine for addiction.

All these things would hurt like a motherf[COLOR="black"]u[/COLOR]cker to push out a dickhole, save for Speedy's idea of Crude Oil, and the various other liquids here.

I wouldn't be too particular on what my body excreted in sexual terms, just as long as it came out by the gallons. I wanna make a mess! Though, given some thought on the issue, a couple of things do come to mind. I think anal lube would be a handy thing to be able to ejaculate. Or hot mustard. Imagine that sh[COLOR="White"]i[/COLOR]t in your eyes, bit[COLOR="white"]c[/COLOR]h! Fu[COLOR="white"]c[/COLOR]k yeah! Lastly, as long as it didn't feel like I was passing a kidney stone, I'd like to be able to ejaculate paintballs. Why not? You could totally turn secks into a FPS. The possibilities are endless!

[quote=The Judge]All these things would hurt like a motherf[COLOR=black]u[/COLOR]cker to push out a dickhole, save for Speedy's idea of Crude Oil, and the various other liquids here.

Hey, if you can get dust, though cocaine grain is larger it is rather valuable and has many other uses.

Dust particles are incredibly small though.

Porcupines.

[quote=The Judge]Dust particles are incredibly small though.


True, though crude oil is still perferrable.

I'd want it to be like the stuff you get out of the quarter machine in the supermarket, like the stretchy gooey containers of snot. That way its confined in one spot (no mystery wet spots on the bed to roll over into), it doesn't stain or make any mess (if you had any accidents or spillage during a quickie on your lunch break no one would know), and you can roll it into a ball and play with it when your done. Heck, even give it away to people as presents too.

Another interesting thing to ejaculate would be gasoline. Think about it; you could fill up your tank from the privacy of your own driveway without having to deal with Hogies. Although, if someone were to stop by while you were in the process of filling up, it may get kinda weird.

Dude. You'd have to shoot off gallons at a time for that to be economically feasible. My choice is liquid gold.


Think about it. Give your girl a golden shower that she will appreciate! And not kick you out of the house and threaten you with a restraining order...

or diamons. Or adamantium needles. You could be a really messed up superhero in japan or something with that secret power. Sex life might be a bit dry.

Tentacles.

I'd like to add the following to my list...

[IMG]http://www.united-foods.de/2004/catalog/images/08-003%20s.jpg[/IMG]

Hands. Fully functional, living hands.

Living room sets

Probably the Cure to aids. So I could be safe and Sell the stuff for a some good cash.

Be ironic if you got herpes then.

i change my answer to lightning bolts.

Pesticide.

EDIT: NO WAIT. A knuckle sandwich. I would like to ejaculate clenched fists.

How's that for punching your girlfriend?:bounce2:

THE ANGRY FIST OF ***

Smaller penises.

No, wait, larger penises.

No, wait, **** :(

Like Russian dolls? :)

Laughing gas.

Sleepin' gas. XD

Tear gas. :)

The antidote. She'll know.

Wait, **** tentacles. Octopi. YES!

Touché

i'd have to say whip cream

Yeah Chocolate would be a choice for me considering girls love the taste of it so much...

Facehuggers.

Oh ****, Speed wins so hard.

Fist-sized, aggressive sperm cells.

pyramid head, for moar raep

Bacardi 151.


Or moonshine, if I'm in a country kinda mood.

Oh, that's a good one. Nicotine.

I'd ejaculate feces. Also, I want my penis to be on my nipples.

Tiny, tiny people.

Pikmin. Like tiny people except more cute and violent.

20,000 gallons of water.

Orangutans.

And a fire truck

The sun

A swarm of flying ants.

ie. Male ants.

I think that's implicit.

Pez.

Molten lava

Hot dogs.

anti-pizza.

Metroids and Flea Men

Comets.

Space Mucus
[URL="http://www.mcphee.com/items/11672.html"][IMG]http://www.mcphee.com/pixlarge/11672.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

I thought that was already what comes out of women.

chocolate milk, faeries, and spiny goblins

Elephants.

Bees. Or maybe beedogs? or maybe bee's that shoot dogs out their mouths....yes...that will do QUITE nicely.

Or possibly a robotic Richard Simmons.

This thread has got way out of hand, and I like it.

I can't believe nobody said this one. Bullets! And I mean a lot of them, too!

Video Game Chat members.

Except Ant, that might hurt.

And ceirtain others you would not feel.

Or juliebriggs!

Hey, I got a new one: Myself.

but I'm not gay...

Wow, I'm suprised nobody's said this yet.

Middleschoolers. ...Right guys? Wouldn't that be awesome?


gawd i luv em

That's just stupid. plus, too old etc.

What about if I could ejaculate people? The only catch is that to do so, it'd have to settle and grow nine months in a woman's womb and come out as a baby! That'd be cool, right? After all, it'd put her through the worst pain of her life! :cookie:

They'd be babies though. Babies are stupid and too small to stick yo-

Spinning Razor Discs, like the Ripper from the original Unreal Tournament.

What's that spinning energy disc that Krilin from DBZ is known for? Yeah, that. Or a Spirit Bomb.

Ah ****, that would be intense. Yelling "DISTRUCTO DISK" and seeing a huge circular saw of energy rip from my cock and tear everything in its path to pieces. Hot.

A newborn baby; you know, eliminate the middle man and that 9 month waiting period. Then I'd sell it, or put it up for adoption, or throw it against the wall because my room needs to be painted.

Your mum. That way I can create a paradox.

I nominate this for Thread of the Year.

Bees.

THE MOON

Grapes.

A mango.

ARMCHAIRS!

The Black Beast of Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh.

Paper! Snow! A GHOST!

... A paper snow ghost?

Obviously you do not get the reference.

Obviously not. :(

It's like the only funny scene in Friends ever. Joey is on a game show, and he has to guess what the other guy is describing. The guy says 'it's white', and he responds 'Paper! Snow! A ghost!'

There's another question later and he responds with the same thing.

lions, tigers ,bears

A flower.

ANOTHER PENIS.

I've won this thread too many damn times.

Fire like from a flamethrower, a nuclear bomb, or maybe a black hole!

Music. What's more soothing than some tunes after sex?

Somebody PLEASE answer that with a shred of humour.

How about when the girl actually stops talking to you? I had thought about ejaculating music, too. It could be really funny depending on what kind it was...

Weird Al Yankovich music

I don't know if he meant being able to control what kind it plays. It might only play one song, or maybe it has a playlist and you can download music off the internet...

THE DEATH STAR

or maybe just the supar lazer

I really hope nobody says what I KNOW is going to be said in response to maian's post. Oh well :(

Heck, they have vagoo lazors. It's about time we got something as awesome.


I imagine sex becoming one of those epic duels where the two beams of energy collide and it's all about who has more strength to overcome the other.

Like Zeta said, only the music would be reflecting whatever the current mood I was in was and/or whatever my current situation is.

This is the best thread ever.

I'm gonna go with a high pitched scream.

Edit: No, the noise Charizard makes when he comes out of the Pokeball in Melee. **** yes.

soul. that was my brother.

id like a guy who had cottencandy

Just can't say no to the stickyness can you?

BELGIUM

Snowballs

That would get cold and you know how things react to the cold!

It would still be fun to shoot snowballs at people. Especially in Summer. :cookie:

Definitely, but consider the consequences! Your girl might not be too pleased with the dwindle. You'd be doomed! That's it, it's all over, you'd eventually have to move to Alaska, change your name to Nanook, and start eating whale blubber for breakfast!

a lightsaber blade

Disco lights!

Bebop made me think of it:


WAFFLES

Rusty nails, or maybe ninja stars...

Or even cheese whiz!

Oh man I love cheese whiz. The question is, would I be willing to-

No. Definitely not.



College textbooks. It'd save me like a bajillion dollars.

Yeah, but the feeling of them coming out would hurt just about as bad as paying for them. Might as well just jizz cash or something and have money for other stuff.

Lightning

These things would be so painful. I hope you can split your dick up the middle in four to allow for more room.

Says the man who wants to ejaculate dust.

IT WOULD BUILD UP IN YOUR COCK AND EVENTUALLY BLOCK THE FLOw. YOU HAVE NO ROOM TO JUDGE OTHERS.

Alien within Alien.

Ryu Hayabusa. Then maybe Ashtar. Sometimes I need an epic duel just to get me through the day.

short hop lasers

The Falklands

The Undead.

Ninjas! Werewolves! Pirates! Barbarians! Vampires!

a donkey show, bestiallity, VGC!!!!

super glue

.... i was tempted to post a beautiful pic illustrating my idea, but upon careful reconsideration I thought it might be a bit inappropriate. So instead, here's a [URL="http://tucows.blogware.com/_photos/87260130bOimpZ_fs.jpg"]picture [/URL]of a wet pussy[COLOR="DimGray"]cat[/COLOR]

Peanuts.

Fans.

PORTUGAL

Watermoelons.

An aardvak.

ESKIMOS

A tuma

Eventually we will cover every noun, proper noun, and in some cases, adjectives in the world.

Sandwiches.

Tar.

Train tickets.

Abbreiviations.

Bottles of Dr. Pepper.
Spoons.
Orcs.
Zerglings.

CD cases.

Screw Semi-Reality. Nonsense ftw!

Playing Cards.
Sega Game Gears.
Xbox.
The Bible.
Shurikens.

...Yes. :)

Icicles
Spider webs

Hahaha, what an awesome version of spiderman.

Make this a stick already

Pacman
Pacman style ghosts

A personal body guard ninja.

Complete with optional samurai sidekick.

hair

pelage

Does Pacman even make noises? That's all the work of the dots!

From the game, not the character. :)

I also want to make the noise he gets when eating a ghost/fruit, and when he dies. :)

Weirder than about half of anything mentioned by Dark Kirby? I don't think so.

I do. Just imagine it. Okay, maybe not the weirdest, but the most disturbing.

Haha I get it. Make it a "sticky."

Martin Sheen.

Nah, something about hair is different than everything else. It can be short shavings or long, silky strands. Or maybe even an afro.

Bowling Ballss


Humburgers


Otters


And pipe cleaners for the aftermass.

Purple drink.

WAKA WAKA WAKA WAKA WAKA WAKA WAKA WAKA- oh shi- I missed the Pac-Man discussion.

[COLOR="DeepSkyBlue"]Sushis[/COLOR]

This thread reached critical mass pages ago. Half the posts aren't even relevent, let alone funny!

It was fun whilst it lasted, but I'm gonna lock it. Some mods might disagree and unlock it, but I kinda doubt it.