my sister sent this to me earlier today, I think it is a bit old but funny
Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a
Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all?
Suspicion of anything foreign.
Oh and......
Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.
Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries and a DIET coke.
Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls
and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.
NOT TO MENTION.
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents
101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of
control Scalextric cars.
And finally.........
In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.
I am proud to be British!!!
odd, i heard the same things about america.
I have never vomited into a toilet. I have vomited at toilets, I have vomited near toilets, and I have vomited on toilets, but neer have I been able to get it into the bowl itself.
And most of those things happen in america, too.
Yeah, pretty much all of those happen in places other than Britain. Like Canada and America.
They happen wherever people have money, really.
Old'd, but I enjoy this thread because baz is back.
I'D ALSO LIKE TO MENTION THAT BRITAIN IS THE ONLY COUNTRY WHERE PEOPLE TAKE IT AS GRANTED AND NORMAL WHEN THE TRAIN STOPS FOR UPWARDS OF FIFTEEN MINUTES WITH NO EXPLANATION, AND NOBODY GIVES A ****.
Also, if you make eye contact with someone on the bus, they freak out and think you're a stalker.
Also, our electoral system is retarded and our prime minister is a domineering powerhungry cock.
It's mad. In Japan you can stand on a painted line at the station and the train arrives precisely on time, and the door opens exactly where the painted mark is.
In Britain, you can stand on a decaying train platform, be yelled at to "NOT TOUCH THE SODDING YELLOW LINE", make a mad dash to the other end of the station, discover that half of the train overshot the platform entirely, have to make six enquiries of several different members of staff asking at which stations the train splits into thirds and heads off to different parts of the country, which carriages have seating of any kind, whether or not the track repairs are finished yet, keep two suitcases and a cat carrier on your knee throughout the entire journey and choke on the overly stuffy, poorly-processed, thoroughly-smoky air. Then the train stops for half an hour when you're two minutes away from your destination - And plus, the train empties when you get off.
All this after standing behind the teenage Bosnian pygmy transsexual trying to use a four-years-out-of-date senior citizen's railcard.
Note to everyone: STAY AWAY FROM PUBLIC TRANSPORT IN THE SOUTH EAST.
I really don't find the Tube or the rail system that bad. I know I'm in the minority, but I've never had a time where I can't go down the gateway, swipe the Oyster card, stand on the platform for a maximum of two minutes, get in and off and not get molested on the way.
Oh, there's nothing wrong with the Tube apart from the occasional three minutes of standing around on an unmoving train in the darkness - And they've only ever annoyed me when I've been on the Picadilly on a mad dash to Heathrow.
Virgin seriously needs to take over Southeastern Trains. :( I was up in Cheshire and it was ****ing amazing in comparison.
MAN THOSE TRAINS SURE ARE BAD
I SURE MISS OUR EMPIRE
THOSE GERMANS ARE SILLY BUT WE BEAT THEM AT WAR
HALF OF MY FAMILY WAS ON THE LOSING SIDE THANKS VERY MUCH
Cars are harder to steal than lawnmowers. People may prefer the taste of Diet Coke rather than normal.
No. That's 100% totally wrong.
I THINK I'LL GO WATCH NEIGHBOURS NOW
IT'S GOOD TO EAT CURRY AFTER DRINKING
MAN THOSE ROYALS ARE COOL
Possibly. I was told that by my fathr when he was jet-setting everywhere for his combustion company, but you're right, it is in Rising Sun as well.
Oh, and Arwon? One and a half out of three for most of the population. Sorry.
I can't taste any difference, so I get diet......with a double cheeseburger and large fries. :(
BLOODY SUNDAY, NEVAR FORGET
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
how does this happen?
They were actually electrified miniature buzzsaws.