I know im not the best writer in the world, in fact, this is the first Piece of Fiction Im working on. Constructive Criticism is Appreciated, but please dont clutter up my topic with things like "FAIL" or "YOU SUCK"
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A war is begining......
Heartless are slowly dissapearing.....
Few are left.....and even less are seen....
Or are they just in hiding, waiting for the right moment to strike....?
Only one thing is for sure......
A cornered cat is more ferocious than a mountain lion....
And they have one last trick up their sleeves.
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It was a day like any other day, nothing exciting, nothing unusual, at least, not for the students of the Balamb Gardens. The only thing differnet was that today, the SeeD exams were being held that day.The written exams were nearly over, and the field exams were to begin after an hours recess, after a lunch break. As soon as lunch break was announced, nearly everyone in the written exam room got up, except one young man.
He just stared blankly at his paper, occasionally doodling on the sides. "Hey Ross," one of his friends called out, knidging him on the shoulder. "Come on. Its Hot Dog Day." Ross looked up at his friend with his ocean blue, and yawned, before saying, "No thanks Zeke. Im not hungry today." Zeke shrugged, but smirked and replied, "Ok then Ross. I'll just take your portion. Seeya later out in the Fields." And with that, the 17 year old left, with the rest of the class.
Ross Groaned and Slammed his head against his desk, tugging at his already messy and thick black hair. He had never been good with the written exams, although he excelled out in the field. But that alone was not enough for a passing grade, which is why he was frustrated.He couldnt finish even half of the questions within the time limit, as his mind traveled elsewhere during the test.
The Average height 16 year old got up from his seat and groaned, feeling the fatigue from sitting down in the uncomfortable seat. He dusted off his Black Jeans out of habit, and straitened out the collar of his white short-sleeved T-shirt, while stretching out his neck. He left the Classroom, passing several students who skipped lunch to Play games of Triple Triad, stopping only to press the elevator button, and walking inside, as it was called to him.
He pressed a button, as the eleveator started to descend towards the bottom. The Elevator started to slow, before a large crackling noise, and the Elevator stopped in mid-ride. "Gah. The **** thing broke down." Ross groaned. He pushed the emergency call button. No answer. "This is not my day." He kicked the wall in frustration. He sighed, and started to lean back agains the wall, until he slid into a sitting position.
Dark Shadows started to Creep from the cracks of the Elevator door, and Ross stared at them, before letting out a "What the f-" The Shadows came together, and began to form a Dark creature, its eyes large, and glowing yellow, pupils absent. "Ive seen these before....no wait, this is something different." Ross silently said to himself, not to startle the creature, because he was certainly not prepared to fight it.
The creature stared at Ross, before it Lunged at him, a claw drawn, aiming for his heart. Ross was too late to avoid it. The creatures claw connected with his chest, and felt as if it was going through it as if it were a ghostly figure. The Claw clamped down, Before Ross felt a Sharp Pain fill his body, and quickly crept its way to his heart. Ross screamed loudly, before he succumbed to the pain, and blacked out.
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End Chapter 1
hmm its not bad kinda interesting but try not to take every little thing from one game explore the space be creative but other than that good job
alright cool i was just giving you tips because you said you liked constructive critiscism but is your guy gonna have a keyblade?
No, He is not.
alright then no worries but nevertheless i cant wait to read more your story has potential
I like the story, it's good.
I give it a 7/7 and 4 thumbs up!
Heres Chapter 2. Hope you guys like it.
Oh, and the first few chapters are gonna stay in FF8 world. So if you cant wait for a world hop, just be patient for a few chapers.
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A cold chill stirred Ross from his slumber, as he slowly opened his eyes. He saw nothing, which lead him to believe he was blind, before his eyes trailed to his hands. "Good.....no wait, bad. Where am I...?" He muttured to himself. He picked himself off the hard, invisible floor. He looked in all directions of the void of darkness, but everything looked the same.
"Rossssssssssssss....." A wispy voice called out, with a hiss in its words.Ross looked around once again, unable to track the voice to its source. "Who said that? How do you know my name?" There was no immediate answer, but a bit of quiet chuckling, Ross was nervous, but not as much as he was angry.He did not like being ridiculed "Answer me!" The chuckling stopped, as the voice began to speak again "My dear boy, wake up. I know what you know. I feel what you feel, I do what you do." A large pair, of glowing yellow eyes slowly opened in the void, and became bigger as they got closer. "Wake up, boy! I AM YOU....Wake up......wake up..."
"Wake up.....Ross Wake up.....Wake-" Ross opened his eyes, shooting up in a sitting position, letting out a gasp in fear. He was in a cold sweat, and wiped a bit of it away, heart pounding as if he had just got off a treadmill running at top speed. He quickly scanned the room. It was The Infirmary, and he was on one of the beds. "Geez! You gave me a scare there!" Zeke, hid friend from Class said to him, who had been beside him the whole time.
"What happened. You were found in the elevator passed o--" He stopped talking, looking Ross in the eyes, and struggling to say something, but couldnt. He looked away from Ross and called out "NURSE!" Ross looked at him, a bit confused at his behaviour. Zeke didnt get an answer from the nurse, or anyone else. "****, she must be having her lunch break.... Ross, Ill be right back. Dont Worry, youll be fine."
As Zeke left the Infirmary, Ross scratched his head in confusion, and got up from the bed. "I wonder what that was all about. I feel fine. Well, maybe a little thirsty.." He took a few steps, before he stumbled a bit, gratting onto the wall to keep him from falling to the floor. "A bit Dizzy, too I suppose..." He made his way to the restroom, and stopped in front of the Sink, turning the knobs to let cool water flow through the faucet. He splashed a bit of water in his face, and drank a little in an attempt to quench his thirst. "Ah. Much better." He said, letting out a sigh of relief. He turned the faucet off, looking up into the mirror, and froze, a look of horror on his face.
"No, it cant be. It was just a dream." He said weakly to himself, moving a hand up to his eyes. His eyes were no longer the once ocean blue color they were. In fact, didnt even have pupils. All there was, was large, glowing orbs of the color yellow. He looked away from it, raising his hand, curling it into a fist and forcing it through the mirror, cutting his knuckles up pretty badly, and a few glass chips stuck in his hand. The pain confirmed that it was not a dream.
Chuckling filled his head. Ross thought he was going insane, as an intense pain filled his head. He grabbed onto his head, gritting his teeth as many voices spoke out, all the same as the one in his dream. It was hard to make out what they were saying, due to the fact that they were all speaking at once. But one phrase he could make out was " This is only the beginning." Frustration and tension rose to the point he was screaming, and the fact he was going insane didnt help either. "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" He screamed, unaware that Zeke had returned with the nurse.
"Ross! ROSS! Get a hold of yourself!" Zeke shook him, and suddenly, the voices had gone, along with the migrain it brought. "What the HELL were you thinking?!?!" Zeke practically yelled, not sure what to think. Ross didnt directly look at them, and lowered his hands from is head, blood dripping into a pool on the floor from the hand that shattered the mirror. "Oh dear," The nurse looked at his hand and shook her head. "We need to get that cleaned up first. We can figure this out later."
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The Heartless have made their first move.......
No longer human.............
Yet not Heartless nor Nobody...........
The heartless invade the body of a beign and inhabit the darkness of ones heart.....
And Create the first Dark Hearts.....
wow it really is getting better
Much more improvement keep it up!
Thanks for even showing an intrest in your little make believe story time.:)
Getting excited over here, tell me when your next chapter will be up.
Sorry about being late updating, I just want you to know that it should be up by tomorrow, but I cant promise anything. Ive been kinda busy this week