He got up to turn his phone alarm off, and tripped over his bag and impaled his cock on his bed. Now he says it hurts to pee.
Discuss Dreadnought's penis in this thread.
Depiction of above scene.
****ing morning glory. This really hurts, but I'm glad at least some people are benefiting from my misery.
1. Wake up
2. Break cock.
3. ??????????????
4. Profit!
Hahaha, no more horizontal tango for you, friend!
There go your chances of getting laid this year.
...:(
LMAO
This thread won so hard.
I would have lol'd, but I was all bol'd out from the stupid baby thread.:(
I just plain ol' don't laugh at anything anymore.
[COLOR="Black"]Jar just made my day happyer.[/COLOR]
You don't know the meaning of the word grim until your cock is a bent, throbbing purple mass made of pain and loss (of function).
I'm going to the doctor on thursday. :-)
Oh well, at least I'm not like [URL="http://ruthlessreviews.com/pics5/bm2/bm1.jpg"]this ****er[/URL]. (NOTE: NSFW)
NSFW'd
edit: Heh, Jesse is viewing this thread.
So wait, how do you break it on your bed? Do you sleep on a ****ing rock?
I bol'd my head into the monitor. Ouch/laugh.
Hokay. Basically, woke up with the bane of the Teenage Male, the Terrorizer, the Great Destroyer, the Loli-porker, the mother****ing Morning Glory. I use my cell as an alarm, and when it went off this morning it was still in my bathrobe pocket; thus, I had to run to the door of our room and pat around for it. After silencing the devil machine, I turned and stepped back towards my bed, my erect member eagerly pointing the way through the mirky English darkness. What my penis failed to spot, however, was my rucksack, carelessly dumped on the floor. I slipped, tripped, and fell forward onto my bed - face first, like in a cartoon. This would normally not be a problem, seeing as my bed is reasonably soft. However, I forgot to set my phaser to 'stun'. The result was a sickening crunch and lots of pain. I now have a swollen, bruised and dysfunctional member of the corpus odi. Life sucks.
Only yours, mate. Only yours.
Wow, fukken owned.
Try to be more careful with that beast in the future!
What, the phone or my crappy Star-Trek innuendo?
The beast.
Today is a sad day for many female corpses waiting to be pierced indeed. :(
I lol'd at the star trek reference more than anything else.:(
Ouch!! Poor phone!!!!
[quote=Jesse Smith]
The question every one has been wanting to ask, is...was this member hard...or soft!!!! :D:D:D:D
Judge is mostly right. It went from hard to pulpy. Doctor's appointment in two days. :-(
Which is worse: that Klarth actually made a thread about my penis, or that people responded?
HAHAHA.
:(
I'll get you back for this, and you know it.
Hey guys, I just got Jared's X-Ray back from radiology.
[URL="http://gwally.com/avatars/photos/penis_x_ray_150.jpg"]im sooo sorry mr Dread :-*[/URL]
i lol'd
I'd laugh if I could **** normally.
So did you book a female doctor or a gay doctor?
School doctor. Don't know who will examine it or what. Probably just give me an ice-pack or something gay like that.
have fun getting molested.
Be ready to go further than just a simple "turn your head and cough".
If your lucky, it'll be a really hot school nurse who is bored and will want to massage your wang with her mouth.
More likely than not, you'll just an ice pack thought. Keep dreamin'.
That joke went over my head. backstory plz.
That's both terribly mean and hilarious. Just what I expect from someone like you.
INTARNETS DRAMA!
@Vamp: I do what I can. :cool:
@Miso: Moar liek IRL LOLZ and not really, it's just me being a dickhead and her trying to pretend like it doesn't destroy her frail emotions.
Got exams. And chances are there isn't much they can do other than painkillers and maybe some shaped bandages. You can't directly fix torn/damaged cartilage/blood vessels.
Get NES Queen in here, she knows medicine.
man **** you. ******s know what I mean. I want a medically informed opinion.
Post a picture and we'll be able to diagnose it from our PC's. [/gay]
bol win.
What can I do to aid the recovery of serious blood pooling and vessel damage?
seconded. A prize of no less than 5 internets is warranted.
Tinged blue/purple, swollen, little urinary function. I think its just a case of internal bleeding closing the urethra.
[URL=http://imageshack.us][IMG]http://img129.imageshack.us/img129/5003/untitled3mn1.png[/IMG][/URL]
Fixed for coloring.
in b4 cyburing
[quote=Lord of Spam]in b4 cyburing
I read this as b8.
I think I multiply every number I see by 4.
Four times four is sixteen, idiot.
This thread wins my entire Internets Savings.
[quote=Misoxeny]Four times four is sixteen, idiot.
This thread wins my entire Internets Savings.
I figured people wouldn't get it.
The joke was that I multiply everything by 2. 2 x 2 = 4.
"Men with penile fractures are in excruciating pain and have a black-and-blue penis. When the diagnosis is equivocal--that is, there is a large bruise, but no obvious distortion or destruction--the penis is evaluated with corporal cavernosography. The urologist or radiologist places a fine needle into the corporal body of the penis and injects contrast material in order to examine the shape of the corporal bodies and to look for leakage. If there is a question of urethral injury, a retrograde urethrogram is also performed in which contrast material is instilled down the urethra via a small tube or catheter to look for leakage. Urethral injury is usually evident with blood in the urine at the time of the workup."
if you can tinkle just fine, then don't worry. it'll heal up on its own in a few days. think unsexy thoughts and no fappin till it does. if you're having a hard time going tinkles you need to see a doc. as embarassing as it may be, if its restricting your urethra at all you're putting yourself at big risk for infection. you don't want an infection in your weiner, it may just fall off.
WHY ME, *******IT?
EDIT: Swelling, discoloration, restricted but manageable urination. Hurts to touch. Love will find a way. Sentence fragments.
'Lolin: UR SITLL AN MROON SO SFTU!!1
They're gonna stick a needle in your wang and then hit it with gamma rays. It might fall off anyway.
Only if the school doc sends me to the hospital. This is britain, they can't afford decent medical equipment because none of the hospitals are privatized.
our education system is so totally not superior though
You're a great example. What with not being able to perform basic math equations and stuff. :)
2+2=22
rite?
Math is for stupid babies anyway.
i.e - I hate math.
Mexicans and math just don't splice.
[quote=Misoxeny]You're a great example. What with not being able to perform basic math equations and stuff. :)
HIGHER YOU GET IN MATH EASIER TO SCREW UP BASICS.
Britain is grim. No painting necessary.
[IMG]http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/39467000/jpg/_39467626_brownlong203240.jpg[/IMG]
OVERRULED!
Wow, according to your signature, you're pretty fu[COLOR=Black]cki[/COLOR]ng gay!
Says the man with a Bridget obsession.
Wow, owned?
Not really.
Thread title needs to be changed. I saw it and was like "He did it AGAIN!?"
Happy?
Way to be creative.
Fixed
He-Man penis?
So what's the news? Don't leave us hanging(lol)!!
Ok, five pages of not really paying attention to this thread...now I am laughing my *** off because Derick just told me what happened.
Sorry dude, but that's funny.
After the doctor molested him, he told him to just leave it.
did you suck the excess blood out of it for him or did the doc just use leeches?
I opt for castrat... er, amputation of the "limb" to ease the patients suffering. What do you, Dr.?
there's always room for a new penis in my collection...
So what's the status on the damage? Any better? Worse?
How the **** am I meant to know?
Why wouldn't you know?
Use your imagination...
:mad: :'(
I will not stop until I get the answers that I crave!
Why are you so obsessed with Dread's penis?
:mad: :( :( :mad: :mad: :( :( :mad:
Hokay, so they didn't examine it, because British docs are all uptight about the sight of blood/genitalia, so they just asked for a description of my symptoms, and reached the hilariously helpful suggestion that I should either leave it or bandage it into a certain shape. One of the nurses giggled about applying Bonjela to it. :(
The moral is, it should sort itself out, being the puissant piston of pestilent perdition that it is. I appreciate the concern you have shown. :)
Haha, you got molested.
What? He only told them about his penor. Didn't even get a handjob or anything..
So...did you get...touched?
WHAT'S IT LIKE?!
It was an experience I will never forget.
Also, I fail at posting relevant links.
You got molested.
The idea amuses me.
No bad words on VGC.
3 years later... it probably fell off
HAHAHAHAHA
i'm gonna make a twitter for my ****in dick
CATBLUNTS420's dick is in final chao's ***, gonna stick it so far up *****, get the **** out
I found out my dad's on twitter and he's such a hardcore liberal it's awesome. dude is arguing with all these government hotshots and **** and owning the **** out of him.
he's all over obama's dick though
wait your dad's getting owned or he's owning them?
owning them. he uses a u instead of a you and can't type worth ****, but the dude is crazy smart and owns all arguments he's in. and if he can't win it he's all "I'M IN THE TOP TWO ****ING PERCENTILE IN INTELLIGENCE SO WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW YOU CAN HAVE AN OPINION WHEN YOU START PAYING THE BILLS **** OFF" so yeah
at least in real life he says that ****
statistically i should be in the top %0.9 or so if any of that **** carried over.
but yeah i remember when my dad was like "heh, yeah.. i type in all lowercaps..", dont remember the context but i'd never been prouder than him in my life
wanna have an argument with your dad
yeah the top two percent isn't that impressive when you think about it. but his iq is, like, 167, easy. He's crazy stupid when it comes it irl stuff though like people and feelings. it's awesome.
167 is like, top 0.01% or higher iirc lol
~133-135 is top 2%
wouldn't top two mean 133-infinite
i meant somewhere in between those two numbers is 2%
including those numbers
I barely miss the top two percent. would've owned if I was a couple points higher so I could be all "drr me too idiot, owned" and then never talked to him again.
I remember I told you to say something to your dad and you actually did and he was all kind of ****ed about it. think it was something along the lines of calling him a fag. lol
I remember that. Can't remember what I said. Was through an email. probably still have it
I remember that. You wrote to him saying "Anthony from VGC says you're a fag" or something. I mostly remember his response because it was hilarious. "Why would you say something like that? We need to talk."
^^ that was it, pretty much word for word. thought i was the only one that remembered **** like that
there's always another
holy **** i remember that. your dad is awesome
haha, wow, I remember all that now. Don't think I said "from vgc" though. The rest sounds right.
Should go through my gmial account to find it again.
So I'm looking through my Gmail spambox, scanning for any particularly lulzy Nigerian-type letters. I find this, sent two days ago.
holy**** what
LOL!! :D Look at da last few pages to see who want'ed da update!!! aka, final kaoss!!!! :D:D:D
So I was just being a good wacko and leting you know he *bumped* it!!!
Oh, (wacko1337) loves to ban every one and then cry about activity droping, hince all your buddies are b&!!! :D:D:D
BTW, you should try to contact da guy at
http://www.ibrokemypenis.com/
:D:D:D:D
Oh, welcome back!!!! :D:D:D
you go to NYU?
Why PS3 Is Best
-Blu-Ray Discs Can never get Scratched
-Online Play Is FREE
-Amazing Graphics Looks better On A HDTV
The Sixaxis Controller Is Wireless And Due To Sixaxis Technology Its Doesn't Need
Battries
-It Doesnt Feature The 3 RINGS OF DEATH
-Is The Most Pricey Console But Also is Worth 500$
Hahaha wow. When I started reading this I thought it was recent because I'm horrible at looking at dates, and when I saw sniper's post I nearly shat myself. Dead posting is serious business.
Anyway it's good that your penis was fine a few years ago. Cheers.
glad your ok, [COLOR=#ffffff][FONT=Verdana]Dreadnought. :)
[/FONT][/COLOR]
I'M NOT!!!
CURSESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!