A broken cock is had by all




Posted by Klarth

He got up to turn his phone alarm off, and tripped over his bag and impaled his cock on his bed. Now he says it hurts to pee.

Discuss Dreadnought's penis in this thread.




Posted by Stalolin



Depiction of above scene.




Posted by Dreadnought

****ing morning glory. This really hurts, but I'm glad at least some people are benefiting from my misery.

1. Wake up
2. Break cock.
3. ??????????????
4. Profit!




Posted by Klarth

Hahaha, no more horizontal tango for you, friend!




Posted by Dreadnought

There go your chances of getting laid this year.




Posted by Klarth

...:(




Posted by The Judge

LMAO

This thread won so hard.




Posted by Lord of Spam

I would have lol'd, but I was all bol'd out from the stupid baby thread.:(




Posted by Ant

I just plain ol' don't laugh at anything anymore.




Posted by Phantasma2

[COLOR="Black"]Jar just made my day happyer.[/COLOR]




Posted by Dreadnought

You don't know the meaning of the word grim until your cock is a bent, throbbing purple mass made of pain and loss (of function).

I'm going to the doctor on thursday. :-)

Oh well, at least I'm not like [URL="http://ruthlessreviews.com/pics5/bm2/bm1.jpg"]this ****er[/URL]. (NOTE: NSFW)




Posted by Klarth

NSFW'd

edit: Heh, Jesse is viewing this thread.




Posted by Ant

So wait, how do you break it on your bed? Do you sleep on a ****ing rock?




Posted by mis0

I bol'd my head into the monitor. Ouch/laugh.




Posted by Dreadnought

Hokay. Basically, woke up with the bane of the Teenage Male, the Terrorizer, the Great Destroyer, the Loli-porker, the mother****ing Morning Glory. I use my cell as an alarm, and when it went off this morning it was still in my bathrobe pocket; thus, I had to run to the door of our room and pat around for it. After silencing the devil machine, I turned and stepped back towards my bed, my erect member eagerly pointing the way through the mirky English darkness. What my penis failed to spot, however, was my rucksack, carelessly dumped on the floor. I slipped, tripped, and fell forward onto my bed - face first, like in a cartoon. This would normally not be a problem, seeing as my bed is reasonably soft. However, I forgot to set my phaser to 'stun'. The result was a sickening crunch and lots of pain. I now have a swollen, bruised and dysfunctional member of the corpus odi. Life sucks.




Posted by Klarth

Only yours, mate. Only yours.




Posted by Ant

Wow, fukken owned.

Try to be more careful with that beast in the future!




Posted by Dreadnought

What, the phone or my crappy Star-Trek innuendo?




Posted by Ant

The beast.




Posted by Sapphire Rose

Today is a sad day for many female corpses waiting to be pierced indeed. :(




Posted by Lord of Spam

I lol'd at the star trek reference more than anything else.:(




Posted by Jesse Smith

Ouch!! Poor phone!!!!


Quoting Dreadnought: my erect member


The question every one has been wanting to ask, is...was this member hard...or soft!!!! :D:D:D:D



Posted by The Judge


Quoting Jesse Smith: The question every one has been wanting to ask, is...was this member hard...or soft!!!! :D:D:D:D

One would assume the former. If it was soft, it wouldn't have been ridgid enough to retain its position and be destroyed.



Posted by Vampiro V. Empire


Quoted post: The question every one has been wanting to ask, is...was this member hard...or soft!!!!


... lol this is so stupid it wins the thread.



Posted by Dreadnought

[quote=Jesse Smith]
The question every one has been wanting to ask, is...was this member hard...or soft!!!! :D:D:D:D


Judge is mostly right. It went from hard to pulpy. Doctor's appointment in two days. :-(

Which is worse: that Klarth actually made a thread about my penis, or that people responded?




Posted by Vampiro V. Empire


Quoted post: Which is worse: that Klarth actually made a thread about my penis, or that people responded?


That you broke your c[COLOR="White"]ock[/COLOR].



Posted by Raquel

HAHAHA.




Posted by Dreadnought

:(




Posted by Poison


Quoting Vampiro: That you broke your c[COLOR="White"]ock[/COLOR].

That you broke you cock and Jack knows more about it then you do.



Posted by Klarth


Quoting Raquel: HAHAHA.

Heh, even the ladies are laughing at Dread now.

How does it feel?!



Posted by Dreadnought

I'll get you back for this, and you know it.




Posted by BLUNTMASTER X

Hey guys, I just got Jared's X-Ray back from radiology.

[URL="http://gwally.com/avatars/photos/penis_x_ray_150.jpg"]im sooo sorry mr Dread :-*[/URL]




Posted by Vampiro V. Empire

i lol'd




Posted by Dreadnought

I'd laugh if I could **** normally.




Posted by Ant

So did you book a female doctor or a gay doctor?




Posted by Dreadnought

School doctor. Don't know who will examine it or what. Probably just give me an ice-pack or something gay like that.




Posted by Ant

have fun getting molested.




Posted by Vampiro V. Empire

Be ready to go further than just a simple "turn your head and cough".




Posted by mis0

If your lucky, it'll be a really hot school nurse who is bored and will want to massage your wang with her mouth.

More likely than not, you'll just an ice pack thought. Keep dreamin'.




Posted by The Judge


Quoting Raquel: HAHAHA.

What's this? Laughter? From you? Is this in between the tears of woe at your oh-so-horrible life?



Posted by Vampiro V. Empire

That joke went over my head. backstory plz.




Posted by Raquel


Quoting The Judge: What's this? Laughter? From you? Is this in between the tears of woe at your oh-so-horrible life?


Ooga booga ug chugga hub gub po mo muh fugga bix nood



Posted by mis0


Quoting The Judge: What's this? Laughter? From you? Is this in between the tears of woe at your oh-so-horrible life?

Judge, you're obviously a very inept fool who missed the outstandingly blatant sarcasm in that laughter. Everyone can see those are chuckles of pain, not happiness!



Posted by The Judge


Quoting Vampiro: That joke went over my head. backstory plz.

She's a pitiful emo who, after moving to Texas, has no friends and leads a rather miserable life as opposed to getting some. "But they're all jerks here!" Right. So me, Joe, Ant, and a friend were up on to pof a gigantic rock that we just climbed on Saturday night, and she calls Joe. 20 minutes later, I'm sick of hearing the small echo from the phone, so I say loudly "Wow, Joe, I sure feel sorry for you, having to listen to her talk on and on and on." Her response is to immediately hang up and go cry. Doesn't help the impression much either that she gets deeply depressed at the drop of a hat and says things like "GET THE [COLOR="black"]FU[/COLOR]CK AWAY FROM ME" on mediums that don't allow movement, such as AIM. :cool:

As such, I enjoy being mean.



Posted by Vampiro V. Empire

That's both terribly mean and hilarious. Just what I expect from someone like you.




Posted by mis0

INTARNETS DRAMA!




Posted by The Judge

@Vamp: I do what I can. :cool:
@Miso: Moar liek IRL LOLZ and not really, it's just me being a dickhead and her trying to pretend like it doesn't destroy her frail emotions.




Posted by Lord of Spam


Quoting The Judge: She's a pitiful emo who, after moving to Texas, has no friends and leads a rather miserable life as opposed to getting some. "But they're all jerks here!" Right. So me, Joe, Ant, and a friend were up on to pof a gigantic rock that we just climbed on Saturday night, and she calls Joe. 20 minutes later, I'm sick of hearing the small echo from the phone, so I say loudly "Wow, Joe, I sure feel sorry for you, having to listen to her talk on and on and on." Her response is to immediately hang up and go cry. Doesn't help the impression much either that she gets deeply depressed at the drop of a hat and says things like "GET THE [COLOR="black"]FU[/COLOR]CK AWAY FROM ME" on mediums that don't allow movement, such as AIM. :cool:

As such, I enjoy being mean.


You win pretty hard for that, good sir.



Posted by Jesse Smith


Quoting Dreadnought: School doctor.


er...if you're boner is broken, why don't you just go to the hospital??!! Going to the school doc is like saying 'Ah, it's nothing.' They wern't made to fix boners!!!!



Posted by Dreadnought

Got exams. And chances are there isn't much they can do other than painkillers and maybe some shaped bandages. You can't directly fix torn/damaged cartilage/blood vessels.

Get NES Queen in here, she knows medicine.




Posted by BLUNTMASTER X


Quoting Dreadnought: Get NES Queen in here, she knows medicine.

You just want NES Queen to examine it.

:o



Posted by Dreadnought

man **** you. ******s know what I mean. I want a medically informed opinion.




Posted by The Judge

Post a picture and we'll be able to diagnose it from our PC's. [/gay]




Posted by Lord of Spam


Quoting Dreadnought: man **** you. ******s know what I mean. I want medically informed sexual gratification.


fix'd



Posted by NES Queen


Quoting Dreadnought: Get NES Queen in here, she knows medicine.


i was told my services were needed......

you need some help rubbing the owie out?



Posted by Vampiro V. Empire

bol win.




Posted by Dreadnought

What can I do to aid the recovery of serious blood pooling and vessel damage?




Posted by Lord of Spam

seconded. A prize of no less than 5 internets is warranted.




Posted by NES Queen


Quoting Dreadnought: What can I do to aid the recovery of serious blood pooling and vessel damage?

sucky sucky, 5 dolla!

seriously though, this is going to be tough to do without sounding perverse, but what color is it? like do you have visible bruising? pictures for me to fap to, i mean examine in more scientific detail?



Posted by Dreadnought

Tinged blue/purple, swollen, little urinary function. I think its just a case of internal bleeding closing the urethra.

[URL=http://imageshack.us][IMG]http://img129.imageshack.us/img129/5003/untitled3mn1.png[/IMG][/URL]

Fixed for coloring.




Posted by Lord of Spam

in b4 cyburing




Posted by Stalolin

[quote=Lord of Spam]in b4 cyburing

I read this as b8.

I think I multiply every number I see by 4.




Posted by mis0

Four times four is sixteen, idiot.

This thread wins my entire Internets Savings.




Posted by Stalolin

[quote=Misoxeny]Four times four is sixteen, idiot.

This thread wins my entire Internets Savings.

I figured people wouldn't get it.

The joke was that I multiply everything by 2. 2 x 2 = 4.




Posted by NES Queen

"Men with penile fractures are in excruciating pain and have a black-and-blue penis. When the diagnosis is equivocal--that is, there is a large bruise, but no obvious distortion or destruction--the penis is evaluated with corporal cavernosography. The urologist or radiologist places a fine needle into the corporal body of the penis and injects contrast material in order to examine the shape of the corporal bodies and to look for leakage. If there is a question of urethral injury, a retrograde urethrogram is also performed in which contrast material is instilled down the urethra via a small tube or catheter to look for leakage. Urethral injury is usually evident with blood in the urine at the time of the workup."

if you can tinkle just fine, then don't worry. it'll heal up on its own in a few days. think unsexy thoughts and no fappin till it does. if you're having a hard time going tinkles you need to see a doc. as embarassing as it may be, if its restricting your urethra at all you're putting yourself at big risk for infection. you don't want an infection in your weiner, it may just fall off.




Posted by Dreadnought

WHY ME, *******IT?

EDIT: Swelling, discoloration, restricted but manageable urination. Hurts to touch. Love will find a way. Sentence fragments.




Posted by mis0

'Lolin: UR SITLL AN MROON SO SFTU!!1

They're gonna stick a needle in your wang and then hit it with gamma rays. It might fall off anyway.




Posted by Dreadnought

Only if the school doc sends me to the hospital. This is britain, they can't afford decent medical equipment because none of the hospitals are privatized.




Posted by Jesse Smith


Quoting Dreadnought: This is britain.


THAT explains it!! Only brits would be on so much crack to make kids see a school doc instead of just going to the hospital when you have a broken black-and-blue penis!!!!!

Come to America, we Americans can take care of you!!! :D:D:D:D



Posted by Lord of Spam


Quoting Jesse Smith: Come to America, we Americans can take care of you!!! :D:D:D:D


And bankrupt you in the process:D:D:D:D



Posted by Stalolin

our education system is so totally not superior though




Posted by mis0

You're a great example. What with not being able to perform basic math equations and stuff. :)




Posted by Zeta

2+2=22

rite?




Posted by Darksong X

Math is for stupid babies anyway.

i.e - I hate math.




Posted by sniper

Mexicans and math just don't splice.




Posted by Poison


Quoting sniper: Mexicans and math just don't splice.

They will if you get it greasy and yellow.



Posted by Vampiro V. Empire


Quoted post: "Men with penile fractures are in excruciating pain and have a black-and-blue penis. When the diagnosis is equivocal--that is, there is a large bruise, but no obvious distortion or destruction--the penis is evaluated with corporal cavernosography. The urologist or radiologist places a fine needle into the corporal body of the penis and injects contrast material in order to examine the shape of the corporal bodies and to look for leakage. If there is a question of urethral injury, a retrograde urethrogram is also performed in which contrast material is instilled down the urethra via a small tube or catheter to look for leakage. Urethral injury is usually evident with blood in the urine at the time of the workup."

if you can tinkle just fine, then don't worry. it'll heal up on its own in a few days. think unsexy thoughts and no fappin till it does. if you're having a hard time going tinkles you need to see a doc. as embarassing as it may be, if its restricting your urethra at all you're putting yourself at big risk for infection. you don't want an infection in your weiner, it may just fall off.


This whole thing made me lol and vomit all over myself. Poor, poor Jar.



Posted by Stalolin

[quote=Misoxeny]You're a great example. What with not being able to perform basic math equations and stuff. :)

HIGHER YOU GET IN MATH EASIER TO SCREW UP BASICS.




Posted by BLUNTMASTER X


Quoting Dreadnought: Only if the school doc sends me to the hospital. This is britain, they can't afford decent medical equipment because none of the hospitals are privatized.

We do have some privatized hosptials.

DON'T LISTEN TO HIM HE'S PAINTING AN OVERTLY GRIM PICTURE OF BRITISH ANTI-UTOPIA

:o



Posted by Dreadnought

Britain is grim. No painting necessary.




Posted by BLUNTMASTER X

[IMG]http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/39467000/jpg/_39467626_brownlong203240.jpg[/IMG]

OVERRULED!




Posted by Dreadnought

Wow, according to your signature, you're pretty fu[COLOR=Black]cki[/COLOR]ng gay!




Posted by Lord of Spam

Says the man with a Bridget obsession.




Posted by Klarth

Wow, owned?




Posted by Dreadnought

Not really.




Posted by Zeta

Thread title needs to be changed. I saw it and was like "He did it AGAIN!?"




Posted by Vampiro V. Empire

Happy?




Posted by Zeta

Way to be creative.




Posted by Klarth

Fixed




Posted by Lord of Spam


Quoting Dreadnought: Not really.



HE is a MAN, with a PENIS. You want to BANG A DUDE.

Fukken owned.



Posted by Zeta

He-Man penis?




Posted by Vampiro V. Empire


Quoted post: Way to be creative.


wow **** you



Posted by Slade

So what's the news? Don't leave us hanging(lol)!!




Posted by Darksong X

Ok, five pages of not really paying attention to this thread...now I am laughing my *** off because Derick just told me what happened.

Sorry dude, but that's funny.




Posted by Klarth

After the doctor molested him, he told him to just leave it.




Posted by NES Queen

did you suck the excess blood out of it for him or did the doc just use leeches?




Posted by mis0

I opt for castrat... er, amputation of the "limb" to ease the patients suffering. What do you, Dr.?




Posted by NES Queen

there's always room for a new penis in my collection...




Posted by Klarth


Quoting NES Queen: did you suck the excess blood out of it for him or did the doc just use leeches?

Ouch. You know how to hurt a guy. :(



Posted by Darksong X

So what's the status on the damage? Any better? Worse?




Posted by Klarth

How the **** am I meant to know?




Posted by Vampiro V. Empire

Why wouldn't you know?




Posted by Darksong X

Use your imagination...




Posted by Klarth

:mad: :'(




Posted by Darksong X

I will not stop until I get the answers that I crave!




Posted by Zeta

Why are you so obsessed with Dread's penis?




Posted by Klarth

:mad: :( :( :mad: :mad: :( :( :mad:




Posted by Dreadnought

Hokay, so they didn't examine it, because British docs are all uptight about the sight of blood/genitalia, so they just asked for a description of my symptoms, and reached the hilariously helpful suggestion that I should either leave it or bandage it into a certain shape. One of the nurses giggled about applying Bonjela to it. :(

The moral is, it should sort itself out, being the puissant piston of pestilent perdition that it is. I appreciate the concern you have shown. :)




Posted by Klarth

Haha, you got molested.




Posted by Ant

What? He only told them about his penor. Didn't even get a handjob or anything..




Posted by Darksong X

So...did you get...touched?

WHAT'S IT LIKE?!




Posted by Dreadnought

It was an experience I will never forget.

Also, I fail at posting relevant links.




Posted by Klarth

You got molested.




Posted by Darksong X

The idea amuses me.




Posted by Dexter

No bad words on VGC.




Posted by final kaoss

3 years later... it probably fell off




Posted by Vampiro V. Empire

HAHAHAHAHA




Posted by cool gamer dad

i'm gonna make a twitter for my ****in dick

CATBLUNTS420's dick is in final chao's ***, gonna stick it so far up *****, get the **** out




Posted by Vampiro V. Empire

I found out my dad's on twitter and he's such a hardcore liberal it's awesome. dude is arguing with all these government hotshots and **** and owning the **** out of him.

he's all over obama's dick though




Posted by cool gamer dad

wait your dad's getting owned or he's owning them?




Posted by Vampiro V. Empire

owning them. he uses a u instead of a you and can't type worth ****, but the dude is crazy smart and owns all arguments he's in. and if he can't win it he's all "I'M IN THE TOP TWO ****ING PERCENTILE IN INTELLIGENCE SO WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW YOU CAN HAVE AN OPINION WHEN YOU START PAYING THE BILLS **** OFF" so yeah

at least in real life he says that ****




Posted by cool gamer dad

statistically i should be in the top %0.9 or so if any of that **** carried over.


but yeah i remember when my dad was like "heh, yeah.. i type in all lowercaps..", dont remember the context but i'd never been prouder than him in my life




Posted by cool gamer dad

wanna have an argument with your dad




Posted by Vampiro V. Empire

yeah the top two percent isn't that impressive when you think about it. but his iq is, like, 167, easy. He's crazy stupid when it comes it irl stuff though like people and feelings. it's awesome.




Posted by cool gamer dad

167 is like, top 0.01% or higher iirc lol




Posted by cool gamer dad

~133-135 is top 2%




Posted by Vampiro V. Empire

wouldn't top two mean 133-infinite




Posted by cool gamer dad

i meant somewhere in between those two numbers is 2%

including those numbers




Posted by Vampiro V. Empire

I barely miss the top two percent. would've owned if I was a couple points higher so I could be all "drr me too idiot, owned" and then never talked to him again.




Posted by Ant

I remember I told you to say something to your dad and you actually did and he was all kind of ****ed about it. think it was something along the lines of calling him a fag. lol




Posted by Vampiro V. Empire

I remember that. Can't remember what I said. Was through an email. probably still have it




Posted by Slade

I remember that. You wrote to him saying "Anthony from VGC says you're a fag" or something. I mostly remember his response because it was hilarious. "Why would you say something like that? We need to talk."




Posted by cool gamer dad

^^ that was it, pretty much word for word. thought i was the only one that remembered **** like that




Posted by Slade

there's always another




Posted by Vampnagel P. Wingpire

holy **** i remember that. your dad is awesome




Posted by Vampiro V. Empire

haha, wow, I remember all that now. Don't think I said "from vgc" though. The rest sounds right.

Should go through my gmial account to find it again.




Posted by Dreadnought

So I'm looking through my Gmail spambox, scanning for any particularly lulzy Nigerian-type letters. I find this, sent two days ago.


Quoted post: This is a message from Jesse Smith at Video Game Chat ( [URL]http://www.vgchat.com/index.php[/URL] ). The Video Game Chat owners cannot accept any responsibility for the contents of the email.

To email Jesse Smith, you can use this online form:
[URL]http://www.vgchat.com/sendmessage.php?do=mailmember&u=1[/URL]

OR, by email:
mailto:[EMAIL="Nintendo101@gmail.com"]Nintendo101@gmail.com[/EMAIL]

This is the message:

Dude, I think every one wants an update to

[URL]http://www.vgchat.com/showthread.php?t=13583[/URL]




Why is Jesse Smith interested in the latter-day (LOL GET IT?) health of my cock? I haven't posted here in yonks!

Anyway, it's fine. So fine I'm actually worried I've got at least one girl in NYU pregnant. So, yeah. Back from the dead, a long time ago.

HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMANwhy are all the cool kids b&?



Posted by Stalolin

holy**** what




Posted by Jesse Smith

LOL!! :D Look at da last few pages to see who want'ed da update!!! aka, final kaoss!!!! :D:D:D

So I was just being a good wacko and leting you know he *bumped* it!!!

Oh, (wacko1337) loves to ban every one and then cry about activity droping, hince all your buddies are b&!!! :D:D:D

BTW, you should try to contact da guy at

http://www.ibrokemypenis.com/

:D:D:D:D

Oh, welcome back!!!! :D:D:D




Posted by junior senior

you go to NYU?




Posted by cool gamer dad

Why PS3 Is Best
-Blu-Ray Discs Can never get Scratched
-Online Play Is FREE
-Amazing Graphics Looks better On A HDTV
The Sixaxis Controller Is Wireless And Due To Sixaxis Technology Its Doesn't Need
Battries
-It Doesnt Feature The 3 RINGS OF DEATH
-Is The Most Pricey Console But Also is Worth 500$




Posted by Shade

Hahaha wow. When I started reading this I thought it was recent because I'm horrible at looking at dates, and when I saw sniper's post I nearly shat myself. Dead posting is serious business.

Anyway it's good that your penis was fine a few years ago. Cheers.




Posted by cool gamer dad

glad your ok, [COLOR=#ffffff][FONT=Verdana]Dreadnought. :)
[/FONT][/COLOR]




Posted by Ant

I'M NOT!!!

CURSESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!