My girlfriend and I broke up because she wants to find herself. I'm guessing it's a lie, and because I was so clingy and whatnot over the months. I changed back to the real me, which is simply happy, confident, and alot more fun, but I don't think I'm going to get a chance to show her this. I don't know what to do, it's simply the only thing that's been crossing my mind. I can't get it to go away, and vertiably everything has a connection to it and is able to remind me of it.. She's on independant study, so she's only at school every other day, but it really, really causes a sore sting while she's there. The rest of the time I'm just hurting.
But I want her back. I at least want another chance to prove that I'm not some emo little dutchbag anymore. What can I do to improve my chances? She obviously isn't jumping to change everything, everything around the internet and whatnot hasn't been changed yet, so she's not in a rush to push that away. And even today, she walked up and sort of....grabbed my hand, then hugged me. We talked for a minute, asked how each other were, talked about school for another second, hugged close again, and she went to class. Lunch we didn't talk, but stood near each other, and she grabbed my finger and told me goodbye when the bell rang.
I don't think that there's really any chance, despite the fact that she says she just doesn't know yet. It's all just very unsure.
So guys and girls, what do I do to get her back, to get another chance? See if I can't get her to want the relationship back again. And how can I stop this incredible pain inside, and the tears outside?
I really appreciate it
Velvet, you so crazeh.
EDIT: Tidings of comfort and joy.
Why so?
Trust her, and tell her you do.
Maybe you just need time to yourself:/ I know you said that you had reverted to a happier less caring state, but the fact that you're asking us how to get her back seems to indicate otherwise.:(
Don't waste your time with her anymore. Move on. Things may seem bad now, but they will get better. etc.
I'd probably try to move on if I could. She still feels well worth my time
yea but that might not mean that she still holds feelings or time toword you.
Don't you think I know that? That's why it hurts
Ok, some questions: How old are you guys? How long were you dating? Was this your first real significant relationship?
[quote]My girlfriend and I broke up because she wants to find herself. I'm guessing it's a lie, and because I was so clingy and whatnot over the months.
Why do you assume her reasoning is a lie? Did you ask her if her decision had anything to do with your behavior? It’s natural to start questioning yourself and your actions/behaviors after something like this to try and find a solid concrete logical reason why things have suddenly changed. Even if you were a perfect saint, if you searched long and hard enough I’m sure you would have been able to come up with some reason to blame this on yourself. But that doesn’t make it true or mean that was her reasoning behind the breakup. If she says it’s because of her own issues that she needs to work through, then don’t try to make yourself feel worse by trying to take the blame yourself.
[quote] I changed back to the real me, which is simply happy, confident, and alot more fun, but I don't think I'm going to get a chance to show her this.
Maybe she already saw the changes in you, and that was what prompted her to seek changes in herself. Your happiness isn’t (or shouldn’t be at least) contingent upon someone else. If you were a happier more confident person as her boyfriend, you can still be that happy confident person without her. There was obviously something nifty about you that made her like/love you in the first place. You’ve changed (for the better according to you) since being with her, and there’s no need or requirement to revert back to your unhappy and unconfident self simply because you’re no longer together. You take what you learn from relationships and use that to grow and better yourself even further. You don’t just throw away any changes and start over from where you began.
[quote]I don't know what to do, it's simply the only thing that's been crossing my mind. I can't get it to go away, and vertiably everything has a connection to it and is able to remind me of it.. She's on independant study, so she's only at school every other day, but it really, really causes a sore sting while she's there. The rest of the time I'm just hurting.
Time heals all wounds, partially. It’s not going to be easy seeing her or being around her at first because you’re used to acting in a certain manner. Your relationship has changed, and your interactions with her will have to change as well. It takes time to get used to these changes. If seeing her and talking to her just keeps opening up wounds and starts an emotional flood, maybe its best to avoid her or ask her to give you some space for a while. After the hurt calms down and you can keep your emotions in check, then you can work on starting a new relationship with her (meaning a friendship, not “winning her back”).
[quote]But I want her back. I at least want another chance to prove that I'm not some emo little dutchbag anymore. What can I do to improve my chances?
It doesn’t matter what you want. She’s made it clear that she doesn’t want you right now. If you try to force yourself on her and don’t respect her wishes for more space, you’ll just make things worse for any attempt at reconciliation later. Best thing to do would be to tell her how you feel. That way she knows what your thoughts, feelings and intentions are. Let her know that because you care about her so much you’ll respect her wishes and give her the space she needs to “find herself”, but that you’ll still be here for her after she does. Maybe not in a boyfriend sense (if you just sit and wait for her to make up her mind about what she wants, you’re stupid and letting her play you for a fool), but at the very least a friend to turn to and confide in and trust.
[quote]She obviously isn't jumping to change everything, everything around the internet and whatnot hasn't been changed yet, so she's not in a rush to push that away. And even today, she walked up and sort of....grabbed my hand, then hugged me. We talked for a minute, asked how each other were, talked about school for another second, hugged close again, and she went to class. Lunch we didn't talk, but stood near each other, and she grabbed my finger and told me goodbye when the bell rang.
If all of these things are messing with your head and your heart, you need to ask her to stop. She can’t act like she still wants to be your girlfriend one day and then claim she needs space the next.
[quote]I don't think that there's really any chance, despite the fact that she says she just doesn't know yet. It's all just very unsure.
Then leave it be, don’t push the issue. If it was meant to work itself out, you’ll end up back together. If not, then you’re better off by ending it now before you invest even more time and effort into a person who isn’t right for you.
Your 16 thats young you still got alot ahead of you. As a guy you don't really need to be going out in highschool anyway, what untill you know what your going to do with your life before you try to start one. A girlfriend can change you so much that when you break up you forget who you are, so first be yourself then be a boyfriend.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Girls in the highschool age arent worth the trouble.:(
What field of work are you in, and what kind of college, if I may ask.
Velvet, if you want something you fight for it. Got it? Good. If you know in your heart that you two are supposed to be together. Then go get her! But you have to know it in your heart, not in you gut, your your head. Maybe take a day, and just veg out and think. Then you'll know what to do.
I'm just trying to get a feel for what's going on now. And I'm totally aware of the fact that if I push the relationship on her, it IS NOT going to happen. But if I let it sail it's own course, perhaps it'll be abit better. Right now, at the least, I just really miss my friend. That's kinda the cycle that I would like to build it in. My friend, my best friend, my girlfriend, if that's okay. But right now, I just want my friend back. I feel shut out, and lonely. And that's not right.
I just have to wait and see. Nothing is certain yet.
It's clear, to me, at least, you can trust her as far as you can throw her.
I know why you want to get back together with her, but it seems like an awfully unappealing choice from the outside looking in.
I've heard "I miss my friend," before, and if that's the case, please stop what you're doing because most likely being "just friends" wouldn't be desirable to you.
She's done it before, and she'll do it again. Are you sure she doesn't have someone else?
How much do you really love her? I mean if you really loved her, then you would want her to be happy. And if shes not happy with you, then let her go. If you guys are right for each other, she'll come back. On the oher hand, if you're trying to get into her skirt (like a normal teen), then you're better off with porn. With porn, you can always take your time and choose (plus, it helps you know yourself better, and build muscle tone).