ZERG RUSH BIX NOODS




Posted by Dreadnought

[COLOR=white]Okay, so I just saw this on /b/, and it deserves copy pasta here.

[/COLOR][INDENT][COLOR=white]How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?

The specifics:

- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

I set my magic number at 30, but upon reflection, I think I could take on a few more. How many could you take on?

80+ easily. I'd pick one up, snap his neck and use him as a club. [/COLOR][/INDENT]




Posted by Zeta

At the very least, 50.

Pick one up and throw it towards a cluster of them.




Posted by Ant

60 seems like a pretty good number...or maybe 100. Something like that




Posted by The Judge

With all given respect, I'd quote myself at anywhere from 80-150. I believe that after the 80 line, I'd start getting tired, but once my natural survival instincts kicked in, I'd become a primitive killing machine, intent only on using the bones of the children as weapons. After 150 of them, though, I think my body would be too tired to operate anymore. I'm going to say that my cap would be 200. And that's very tops.




Posted by Lord of Spam

Dunno. Maybe 40ish? I tend to like to use weapons.:(




Posted by Dreadnought

I'm sixteen and almost six feet tall. I weigh 145 lbs. My arms are long and my hands are large. I could easily incapacitate a five-year-old with a sharp blow to the face with the knife edge of my hand, annihilate his skull with my knee or crack his kneecap with my boot. Once they are all sitting down crying, you can walk around the gym and properly beat them bloody.

Oh man I need to fap.

EDIT: My maximum all at once would be 90+, but if I didn't KO/Kill them right away then it could be double that.




Posted by Lord of Spam

Dude, I'm 19, 5'11", and about 180. I think you are VASTLY over estimating your abilities. You can try too hit all you want, but once they grab ahold of your limbs, you cant do ****. And besides, punching that many times with an unpadded fist if going to damage your hand.

Give me a baseball bat, though, and I cant take out ****ing ARMIES of the little bastards.




Posted by The Judge

I'm 5'10", 19, and 130 lbs. My nails are long, and that gives me an automatic, not to mention I'm not at all above biting them in the throat and kicking a lot. Plus, the belt I wear is studded. Assuming they took the knife away from me that I always have with me, my clothing (belt, shirt, etc) can still be just as good a weapon as any. They might not be afraid of bloodshed, but they still feel pain.




Posted by Stalolin

100 or so.

Just grab one by the legs and spin them.




Posted by Lord of Spam


Quoting The Judge: I'm 5'10", 19, and 130 lbs. My nails are long, and that gives me an automatic, not to mention I'm not at all above biting them in the throat and kicking a lot. Plus, the belt I wear is studded. Assuming they took the knife away from me that I always have with me, my clothing (belt, shirt, etc) can still be just as good a weapon as any. They might not be afraid of bloodshed, but they still feel pain.



Original post said no weapons. If we're going to shoehorn weapons in, then lest say that I drove there in my truck, in which case that means I have my pocket knife, a sock full of pennies, and a machete. I can now feel safe in taking on several hundreds, with the only limiting factor being how much endurance I have in my swingin' arm.



Posted by mis0

My lucky number is 4,488. ****.

I think without weapons, I could smash their little skulls in with the steel-toe boots I typically wear, and shank them with the chopsticks in my hair. That said, I bet I could wipe out about 30 or so. The only weapon I'd really want in addition to this would be a Land Rover, and possibly a seven-iron.




Posted by Lord of Spam

IT SAID NO MOTHER ****ING WEAPONS YOU ******* ****S




Posted by mis0

I think because my lucky number is so huge I am granted to at least utilize what is normally on my person. :(




Posted by Darksong X

Start by grabbing the biggest, healthiest one by the hair and smashing his/her face down into the ground. Scatter and demoralize them quickly, breaking up that one-day of training they had. Honestly, they're five-year olds...most of them probably have A.D.D anyways and weren't listening. Other than that grab one at a time and use sweeping techniques to do wide-spread damage. I think if they just kept coming at me i'd start using incapacitated bodies to build a redoubt of sorts to my rear. Once i've got those little ****ers routed it'll be cake until I simply collapse from exhaustion and athsma.

Magic number...80-100+




Posted by brownoystercult

Every 5 year old out there.

I"m a black belt, nigga.




Posted by Vampiro V. Empire

I don't know... they may be small but like LoS said, all they have to do is grab ahold of your limbs and you're ****ed. You've gotta think a five year-old is around forty pounds let's say, two on each limb, and you're now trying to life 320 pounds. And I highly doubt anyone here can lift around that number, or even more. So though you may be able to hold of a good handful for a few minutes, all they have to do is punch you in the nuts and it might be over.

And because of that, I'll say... 30-40. I could probably get a few good kicks, punches, and skull-smashes, but anymore than forty, and I think I might be swamped in delicious five year-old.




Posted by Slade

Hmm... I'd probably rush them at first, knocking as many down as possible, then after making space for myself I'd just try to stand my ground. I think with 5 year olds, it'd be easiest(as in least tiring) to kick them, because they're so short. I'm just about six foot, so it'd be hard on my back to reach down to punch that many in the face. I'd go for kicking one into a group of others repeatedly. I'd guess I could realistically take on 40ish.




Posted by Dreadnought

First off: You get a cup. Cojones shots mean nothing to me.

Secondly: The average five year old comes up to about my waist. If they swarmed around me I could protect my arms by drawing myself up to my full height and raising my arms. When they surround my middle I'd start kneeing them in the face, one by one until they closed in and grabbed my legs, in which case the arms would fall again. In addition to having some basic martial arts skills myself (thus knowing not to straight-on rabbit punch), my thumbnails are the shape and size of shark-teeth: perfect for slashing and gouging. Headshots are the key with any assailant, because the face is such a sensitive area. My hands have also been strengthened by repetetive grip training, so I would be more than capable of twisting necks rapidly to the breaking point, thus rendering massive grip swarms slightly useless, as they would have to battle throught the bodies to get to me.

No, I'd worry if they started working together in ways such as sitting on each other's shoulders and going for MY eyes. But I think that as the Judge said, we carry the sufficient weaponry to take on loads of the fu[COLOR=Black]cke[/COLOR]rs, and lightweight corpses are excellent tools.

I REALLY WANNA FIGHT SOME KIDS NOW.




Posted by Klarth

I reckon I could take on 200 of them or so, provided they weren't all added at once.

They're five-year-olds, guys. Come on.




Posted by Dreadnought

You have to knock them *all* unconscious. Assuming you were attacked by a flood of 1000+ of them at once, you'd get tired. Imagine it as a survival match.




Posted by Vampiro V. Empire


Quoted post: I reckon I could take on 200 of them or so, provided they weren't all added at once.


I assumed they all attacked at once.



Posted by Klarth

Oh.

I reckon I could take around 60-80 then.




Posted by Ant

WELL SO FAR IT LOOKS LIKE JUDGE COULD TAKE THE MOST ON! CAN'T SAY I'M SURPRISED THERE




Posted by Dreadnought

All of this is conjecture. We have no way of knowing until we try it out once per person. Standard child-wave 6000.




Posted by The Judge

I'm just estimating. I think most of you are underestimating yourselves, actually.




Posted by Slade

WHO KNOWS WHAT POWER WOULD BE GRANTED TO US BY BLOODLUST

Wonder exactly how many I could take on, and how they'd eventually kill me...




Posted by Dreadnought

I reveal to them all my true and unrelenting grimness. They all immediately collapse into putrescent piles of rot, pus and fail. I then use this to butter my scones.




Posted by Vampiro V. Empire

k, tomorrow I'm going down to a park and bully some random five year-olds. Hopefully there'll be at least six, and hopefully they'll attack me. I'll then be able to estimate how many we could each fight and how long it would take to fight them.




Posted by The Judge

Tell me how tough they are.




Posted by Dreadnought

pics please.
Seriously, if you do that, I will worship you forever.




Posted by Vampiro V. Empire

Well, I can't do that. But I'm seeing my little cousins over the weekend, one is six and the other is seven, so I'll bully them. I figure, if there's even a slight degree of difficulty taking them down, then there's no possible way any of us can fend off fifty five year-olds.

And even if it doesn't work out as planned, it'll still be fun pushing them around and picking on them.




Posted by Slade

Songs really get to kids that age. So sing songs about how they're fat or stupid, or about how they like some girl.

ie) Fatty-cake, Fatty-cake, Baker's man...

Then tell us.




Posted by Vampiro V. Empire

I'm not trying to emotionally scare them, geez. I just want to bat them around for a bit.




Posted by Slade

Heh, good luck getting them to "attack" you with the fercocity we're talking about here your way.




Posted by sniper

Well, if they all rush at once, not very many. 80lbs per kid adds up very quickly. If it were limited to say, 5 at a time, then I'd say a few hundred at least. It just sounds too fun to be less than that.




Posted by Vampiro V. Empire


Quoted post: It just sounds too fun to be less than that.


You bring up a good point.



Posted by Stalolin

k, time to go devote my life to creating a virtual version of this game or enslaving hundreds of thousands of children and creating a battle ranch




Posted by Klarth

I might learn C just to write this game and port it to PSP.




Posted by sabre

0. I wouldn't have the heart. :(




Posted by Dreadnought

Just make a DOOM mod. I sure will once I stop noobing.




Posted by The Judge


Quoting sniper: Well, if they all rush at once, not very many. 80lbs per kid adds up very quickly.

Call me skinny, but those are some fat five year olds you're talking about.



Posted by Dreadnought

I'd say 5 yr olds weigh anywhere from 27-40 pounds.




Posted by The Judge

In Washington, apparently, they're very tall, fat, or dense.




Posted by Klarth

Dense like Mike?




Posted by The Judge

I meant in a matter sense.




Posted by Ant

it's a MATTER OF FACT! fukk yah




Posted by sniper

:mad:




Posted by Vampiro V. Empire


Quoted post: 0. I wouldn't have the heart.


Even if they were blood-thirty, ravenous, and ferociously grim five year-olds?