Sk2k52
4th April 2006, 06:17 AM
Thats right, writign a story, need beta readers =3 here's the first chapter. PM or IM me via an instant messenger if interested.
00 - Beginnings
Dan fell to the dirt hard headfirst. The large man yelled at Dan before kicking him hard on the side, tossing him to his side. Dan winced in pain but quickly forced himself back onto his two feet and grabbed his brown sack. He holstered his bag around his shoulder, which was nearly as big as him, and as fast as he could towards the lowering sun. In the distance where Dan ran towards was Quintessence, a very large city nearby where he lived. As Dan came closer to the city, he slowed down and began walking down the road with his right hand over the left side of his waist where Bruno, his boss, kicked him, and his left arm held the sack over his shoulder. It was getting cold, the few trees on the way was changing the colors and near naked of leaves. As Dan walked along the dirt road, houses appeared, slowly becoming closer and closer to one and the other until they were packed together like teeth.
The city was quiet during the night, the only sounds came from the Inns, pubs, and from a few drunks which wandered the streets. Dan was used to this and paid them no mind. He came to a stop before a dark old house with windows boarded up and entered it, closing the half rotted door behind him as he went through it.
The house was small and cramp with only one room. The walls were made of wood, mostly rotted and littered with holes; the floor was no better. Across the room were many crates, some wool bundled in a corner making a bed, and some broken pieces of wood, pushed into the corners out of harms way. Sitting on a crate near the corner of the room was a young girl facing Dan. She was only seven by the looks of it. She had long hair and was dressed in dirty brown rags like Dan was. The girl grinned widely and jumped off the crate before running up to Dan, carefully avoiding the holes and rotting parts of the floor and tackled Dan lightly and hugged him tightly, causing him to drop his sack and hug her lightly, ignoring the bruise on his side that Diana was unknowingly making hurt as she hugged him.
"Hey Sis, how's it going? Anyone come by?" Dan asked his little sister as they let go of their hug.
"You're late!" She yelled at him, her smile quickly disappeared and was replaced with an annoyed look as she crossed her arms and glared at him. Dan laughed lightly and patted her on the head.
"Sorry sis, things took longer than I expected." Dan apologized, "Though I got you something to make up for it." Dan picked up his sack and opened it; he grabbed a large brown flask of water, a potato and a carrot and gave it to Diana. Diana look disappointed but Dan just smiled cheerily, "Eat first. I'll give it to you after."
They walked back to the corner of the room. Diana sat on a crate near the middle of the room and began eating while Dan sat on a crate in the corner. He pulled his sack on a crate next to him and lied back against the wall and looked at Diana as she bit hungrily in the food he gave her. He sighed sadly. He wish he could get Diana more to eat, a better place to live, and a better life in general. He brought her here because he heard of better paying jobs. He didn't care if they were harder and required longer hours; all he cared of was Diana.
Dan thought back a few years. Their father died long ago. All he could remember about him was a towering giant, though a gentle one. Their mother though died only a few years ago. A plague swept through Amga and took many away, including her. Since then Dan took the best care he could of Diana and found any work possible.
Dan's thoughts were interrupted by a loud crash. Diana bolted up and hid behind a crate, taking a peek at the large man standing where the door was. Dan's eyes went wide and he jumped to his feet and hurried over to Bruno who was walking quickly towards him with a fearsome look in his face. The man growled.
"Did you think I was done with you?" Bruno growled and grabbed Dan by the upper arm tightly before noticing Diana peering from behind the crates. "Who's this young lady over here?" Bruno questioned Dan in slight surprise. Dan's heart begins to races and though he opened his mouth to speak, he couldn’t get any words out of it. Bruno smirked slyly and Dan knew that was not a good sign, "Well I guess since you don't know her, I'll-" Dan quickly cut Bruno off before he could say anything more.
"No!" Dan practically yelled, "Don't touch her!" Bruno grinned at Dan and jerked him to the side hard, tossing him to the ground. Diana started backing away from Bruno with great fear evident in her eyes. She screamed out Dan's name as Bruno grabbed her shoulder and pulled her up onto her feet. Dan quickly got up and pounced upon Bruno’s arm, trying to pull Diana free, but Bruno was too strong. Bruno simply tossed Dan away with his free hand into the crate, which Dan was sitting at earlier, breaking through it. Diana tried furiously to get out of Bruno’s hands as Dan got up onto his two feet. His shirt was badly cut up and stained with blood from the wounds caused by the sharp ends of the broken crate. Dan stood up wobbly and broke off a long sharp piece of wood from the wooden crate and charged at Bruno, stabbing it hard into his waist.
~~~
Dan and Diana quickly ran out of the house with Dan holding tightly onto their sack. Most of the wool was stuffed into it, some was held by Diana, and some was left behind with no time to grab. They bolted through the dark musky smelling alleys quickly and ran for hours, until they could no longer hear Bruno’s angry screaming. Dan put down the sack and looked around for anything worth noticing as Diana laid down the wool by a wall of the alley into a bed and sat on it, hugging her knees shaking. Dan looked into Diana’s eyes sadly and he sat besides her, covering her with the wool, trying to warm her up, and neglecting himself.
"Sorry about that," Dan apologizes to his little sister, "he must of followed me. Don't worry though, I wont let anything happen to you." Diana smiles weekly but says nothing. Dan looks at the sack and pulls it close to him and takes out a box and gives it to Diana.
"Open it." he tells her. Inside the box is a piece of bred wrapped around some paper, though a sweet chocolate smell comes from it. Diana grinned widely this time and took a big bite out of the yellowish brown bread, revealing the chocolate filled center. She chewed slowly, trying to savor the taste as long as possible; it wasn't often that Dan was able to get treats like this for her. She tried giving him a bite, but like always when it came to the tasty foods, Dan declined with an excuse, this time, he claimed he already ate one, though he couldn't help but stare at it drooling.
"Diana"
"Mmm?" Diana looked at Dan as she chewed hungrily on the last piece bread before sucking on her fingers.
"We have to leave early tomorrow morning, so get some sleep." Diana nods and looks around for Dan’s blanket, but notices the only ones there is the one they both lying on, and the one wrapped around her. She tried taking the wool blanket from around her off to try sharing with him, but Dan wrapped his arms around her and whispers in her ear, "Don't worry, just sleep."
00 - Beginnings
Dan fell to the dirt hard headfirst. The large man yelled at Dan before kicking him hard on the side, tossing him to his side. Dan winced in pain but quickly forced himself back onto his two feet and grabbed his brown sack. He holstered his bag around his shoulder, which was nearly as big as him, and as fast as he could towards the lowering sun. In the distance where Dan ran towards was Quintessence, a very large city nearby where he lived. As Dan came closer to the city, he slowed down and began walking down the road with his right hand over the left side of his waist where Bruno, his boss, kicked him, and his left arm held the sack over his shoulder. It was getting cold, the few trees on the way was changing the colors and near naked of leaves. As Dan walked along the dirt road, houses appeared, slowly becoming closer and closer to one and the other until they were packed together like teeth.
The city was quiet during the night, the only sounds came from the Inns, pubs, and from a few drunks which wandered the streets. Dan was used to this and paid them no mind. He came to a stop before a dark old house with windows boarded up and entered it, closing the half rotted door behind him as he went through it.
The house was small and cramp with only one room. The walls were made of wood, mostly rotted and littered with holes; the floor was no better. Across the room were many crates, some wool bundled in a corner making a bed, and some broken pieces of wood, pushed into the corners out of harms way. Sitting on a crate near the corner of the room was a young girl facing Dan. She was only seven by the looks of it. She had long hair and was dressed in dirty brown rags like Dan was. The girl grinned widely and jumped off the crate before running up to Dan, carefully avoiding the holes and rotting parts of the floor and tackled Dan lightly and hugged him tightly, causing him to drop his sack and hug her lightly, ignoring the bruise on his side that Diana was unknowingly making hurt as she hugged him.
"Hey Sis, how's it going? Anyone come by?" Dan asked his little sister as they let go of their hug.
"You're late!" She yelled at him, her smile quickly disappeared and was replaced with an annoyed look as she crossed her arms and glared at him. Dan laughed lightly and patted her on the head.
"Sorry sis, things took longer than I expected." Dan apologized, "Though I got you something to make up for it." Dan picked up his sack and opened it; he grabbed a large brown flask of water, a potato and a carrot and gave it to Diana. Diana look disappointed but Dan just smiled cheerily, "Eat first. I'll give it to you after."
They walked back to the corner of the room. Diana sat on a crate near the middle of the room and began eating while Dan sat on a crate in the corner. He pulled his sack on a crate next to him and lied back against the wall and looked at Diana as she bit hungrily in the food he gave her. He sighed sadly. He wish he could get Diana more to eat, a better place to live, and a better life in general. He brought her here because he heard of better paying jobs. He didn't care if they were harder and required longer hours; all he cared of was Diana.
Dan thought back a few years. Their father died long ago. All he could remember about him was a towering giant, though a gentle one. Their mother though died only a few years ago. A plague swept through Amga and took many away, including her. Since then Dan took the best care he could of Diana and found any work possible.
Dan's thoughts were interrupted by a loud crash. Diana bolted up and hid behind a crate, taking a peek at the large man standing where the door was. Dan's eyes went wide and he jumped to his feet and hurried over to Bruno who was walking quickly towards him with a fearsome look in his face. The man growled.
"Did you think I was done with you?" Bruno growled and grabbed Dan by the upper arm tightly before noticing Diana peering from behind the crates. "Who's this young lady over here?" Bruno questioned Dan in slight surprise. Dan's heart begins to races and though he opened his mouth to speak, he couldn’t get any words out of it. Bruno smirked slyly and Dan knew that was not a good sign, "Well I guess since you don't know her, I'll-" Dan quickly cut Bruno off before he could say anything more.
"No!" Dan practically yelled, "Don't touch her!" Bruno grinned at Dan and jerked him to the side hard, tossing him to the ground. Diana started backing away from Bruno with great fear evident in her eyes. She screamed out Dan's name as Bruno grabbed her shoulder and pulled her up onto her feet. Dan quickly got up and pounced upon Bruno’s arm, trying to pull Diana free, but Bruno was too strong. Bruno simply tossed Dan away with his free hand into the crate, which Dan was sitting at earlier, breaking through it. Diana tried furiously to get out of Bruno’s hands as Dan got up onto his two feet. His shirt was badly cut up and stained with blood from the wounds caused by the sharp ends of the broken crate. Dan stood up wobbly and broke off a long sharp piece of wood from the wooden crate and charged at Bruno, stabbing it hard into his waist.
~~~
Dan and Diana quickly ran out of the house with Dan holding tightly onto their sack. Most of the wool was stuffed into it, some was held by Diana, and some was left behind with no time to grab. They bolted through the dark musky smelling alleys quickly and ran for hours, until they could no longer hear Bruno’s angry screaming. Dan put down the sack and looked around for anything worth noticing as Diana laid down the wool by a wall of the alley into a bed and sat on it, hugging her knees shaking. Dan looked into Diana’s eyes sadly and he sat besides her, covering her with the wool, trying to warm her up, and neglecting himself.
"Sorry about that," Dan apologizes to his little sister, "he must of followed me. Don't worry though, I wont let anything happen to you." Diana smiles weekly but says nothing. Dan looks at the sack and pulls it close to him and takes out a box and gives it to Diana.
"Open it." he tells her. Inside the box is a piece of bred wrapped around some paper, though a sweet chocolate smell comes from it. Diana grinned widely this time and took a big bite out of the yellowish brown bread, revealing the chocolate filled center. She chewed slowly, trying to savor the taste as long as possible; it wasn't often that Dan was able to get treats like this for her. She tried giving him a bite, but like always when it came to the tasty foods, Dan declined with an excuse, this time, he claimed he already ate one, though he couldn't help but stare at it drooling.
"Diana"
"Mmm?" Diana looked at Dan as she chewed hungrily on the last piece bread before sucking on her fingers.
"We have to leave early tomorrow morning, so get some sleep." Diana nods and looks around for Dan’s blanket, but notices the only ones there is the one they both lying on, and the one wrapped around her. She tried taking the wool blanket from around her off to try sharing with him, but Dan wrapped his arms around her and whispers in her ear, "Don't worry, just sleep."